Furry's a jolly good fellow... classy punster delivers the message.
Hipster pooh-poohs beard trend After a report suggested beards can contain trace amounts of faecal matter, a Dublin hipster has taken to social media to claim that he had shit in his beard before anyone else had even heard ofit. American news programme Action 7 News concluded that while most beards are well kept and clean, some contain "as much bacteria as a toilet" causing many men to question whether or not to shave off their fashionable beards. But the Dublin hipster has scoffed at the report. "Yeah, look, I've had shit in my beard for years, before it was this trendy new thing, ya know?" said Marc Kerrigan. "I'm sick of all these posers jumping on the beard shit bandwagon all of a sudden, it really dilutes the true fanbase." (Source: Waterford Whispers News)
Vote? It's mission impossible "My wife and I returned home just after 6pm on Wednesday to find that our UK election ballot papers had finally arrived," writes David Baker. "We have to get them back to the returning officer by 5pm on Thursday. If we head straight to the airport and travel by the quickest route possible we still couldn't get there in time to deliver them personally, so courier is not an option. The same thing happened at the last election. I wonder if any Poms living in New Zealand have ever succeeded in casting a postal vote?"
Claim goes down the dunny New MP Ria Bond is reported as saying her grandfather was "a great-grandson of Thomas Crapper who invented the flush toilet". Thomas Crapper did not invent the flush toilet - various civilisations had versions of it a thousand years before he was born. Queen Elizabeth I had one in 1596. Thomas Crapper refined and patented only the floating ballcock - not the toilet itself. (Source: Is It True? by Max Cryer)
Try it... a Dutch supermarket lets customers test the toilet paper.
Mum's big day out "I'm on my own and my three girls (24, 21 and 17) were asking last night what we should do for Mother's Day this year," writes Julie. "I came up with the best idea ever. No vouchers for facials or foot rubs, instead what I really want is for them to turn up Sunday in painting gear so we can all paint the outside base of my house. I could hear the groaning through their gritted smiles. They read Sideswipe too. See you bright and early Sunday girls, I'll have the paint and brushes ready!"
Call and claim On Thursday morning by Prospect School gate Jan found a wallet. "The only things in it were a Hop card and a driver's licence. The name is Sang Youn Yeo. I have phoned the police and it has not been reported missing. The school office is happy to hold it."
