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Home / New Zealand

Sideswipe: Jan 21: An optometrist with wit

Ana Samways
By Ana Samways
Sideswipe - ana.samways@nzherald.co.nz·NZ Herald·
20 Jan, 2016 04:00 PM4 mins to read

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Can't see myself reading that.

Can't see myself reading that.

Ana Samways
Opinion by Ana SamwaysLearn more

Sorry about the swear words

A reader writes: "I'd like to sincerely apologise to the lady who was blocking the pedestrian crossing with her car in downtown Mt Maunganui last Friday evening. A couple of years living in a non-English-speaking country has led to me developing a potty mouth. I regularly swear out loud knowing that people around me aren't likely to understand, and since returning to New Zealand I've found the habit hard to shake. Had I noticed your wound-down window and your child in the back of the car I would have kept my thoughts to myself rather than blurt out the expletives I did. You moved before I could apologise, so I'll say it now: I'm very sorry."

Learner drivers need understanding, not road rage

"No thanks to the male in the shiny black ute on Hayr Rd, Mt Roskill who tailgated, honked, 'gave the finger' and left my learner-driver daughter in a crying mess shortly after noon," writes Roy. "His shouted comment of 'you cannot drive!' was not highly intelligent considering the clearly displayed L plates. The only 'fault,' if at all, was driving at around 40km/h on a steep incline. Shouldn't experienced drivers on our roads have a little more patience with learner drivers?"

Parnell Baths' capacity at mercy of lifeguard numbers

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Not allowing swimmers into the Parnell Baths and saying they are at capacity has nothing to do with the capacity of the actual pool, but rather how many lifeguards there are to members of the public. "They could hire more life guards, but then you won't be paying $5 or whatever for a swim," says a reader.

Angle parking in the leafy burbs.
Angle parking in the leafy burbs.

Hard to total up cost of a round

"The argument from the cafe owner is a valid one," writes Sideswipe's most prolific commenter. "But I struggle to accept it from pubs when you purchase multiple drinks [especially when you're drinking out of bottles]. For example, say a pub charges $9 for a bottle of Heineken that only costs it $1 wholesale. Let's say that out of this $8 difference, $1 goes towards wages, $1 goes towards electricity, $1 goes towards rent, and so on. But all of these things are fixed costs. If I order six bottles of Heineken in one round, there is no additional cost to the pub. The barman gets paid the same, and the rent and electricity is the same regardless of whether I order one bottle or six bottles. In other words, if $1 a bottle goes towards wages, then when I buy six bottles in a round, it means $6 goes towards wages. Except it doesn't; because the barman gets the same regardless of how many bottles are sold in an hour. So surely only the first bottle should be $9 and subsequent or additional bottles should be cheaper."

Sideswipe letter of the day: "To the tall, stark naked gentleman who, last evening at 8:40pm, had standup sex while his partner hung out the back door of his car - in my workplace car park - please read this," writes Warwick. "If you had not left your condoms for me to step on this morning,  we may not have reviewed the car park motion activated video surveillance recordings today. We suggest that next time you book a room somewhere. If you do use my workplace car park again, please cover your face and your car registration plate. (Ana - this happened today - brazen as, but careless with his biohazard waste)". Eww.

Picture this: This Instagram account belongs to Dutch soccer player Demy de Zeeuw. Demy runs a soccer-centric Instagram account where he has built a very large and loyal fan base.What your notifications look like with 8.2 million followers.

User pays, and pays: After paying more than 11 grand recently for tuition fees for a year for my studies to become a teacher, I now find one book costs more than two grand...

Video: Baby elephant falls asleep on his feet...??

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Got a Sideswipe? Send your pictures, links and anecdotes to Ana at ana.samways@nzherald.co.nz

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