Sideswipe: Jan 13: Saved by the last bale

"Today I saw the following sign in Pukekohe," writes a frustrated Iain Tetley. "If apostrophes were used for plurals, we would have lot's of sign's with apostrophe's in window's of shop's in town's and city's all over NZ. Photo / Supplied

John Lewis has no scar, but a great tale: "To keep our pigs clean we used straw for their bedding. It came in small rectangular bales which we'd built into a rick about the size and shape of a small house with a pitched roof. With one more bale to go I crawled across the slope but slid feet first towards the ladder. The top rung stopped my downward movement painfully between the legs. However, the jolt caused the ladder to move from the rick. Straddling the now vertical, and almost stationary, ladder I looked down.The ladder steered me at an ever increasing speed towards the concrete yard where I landed with an impact that knocked the stuffing out of me, on the last remaining bale - scar-free and uninjured."

Tennis heavyweights
William Hicks went to the tennis yesterday and was amazed by the number of event staff smoking outside the venue. "I'd guess that more than half of them, resplendent in their green uniforms, were puffing away. They also hadn't seen a salad in quite a while. If this is what becomes of you after a life of tennis I'm going to change to something healthier, like bowling, darts or snooker."

Dead set on longer holiday
A New York woman told her bosses she couldn't work because her daughter had died, but she just wanted to have an extra week's holiday in Costa Rica. Joan Barnett got one of her daughters to call the school to say her sister had suffered a heart attack in Costa Rica and then ring the school later that day to say the sister had died. She faxed a forged death certificate to her employer - a requirement if an employee asks for bereavement days. Suspicion grew when another staff member noticed the death certificate used slightly different fonts which were not aligned properly. Investigators worked out that Barnett booked the tickets for her holiday more than three weeks before she left - long before she claimed her daughter had died. She lost her job.

Part of the family
A dog lover writes: "The reader who complained about the dog on the lap at the cafe needs to get a grip - poodles have wool and don't shed ... I don't think many people would have a problem with diners feeding their dog tidbits (as long as they're not eating from the table/plate) - they're part of the family."