Sideswipe: Great expectations

Photo / Supplied

Hopes and dreams between two slices of buttered bread. Spotted on the Gold Coast by Damian.

Worrying order

Sign at Canton Cafe: "Alcohol must be consumed within these premises at all times. We apologise for the inconvenience."

Mike asks: Who's the designated drinker at this cafe?

ASB's rapid-fire rejection

"Last night, I applied online for a job as an ASB customer service representative," writes Nureete. "I have previously worked as a Vodafone CSR and was able to work the hours, so thought I had a good chance of at least getting an interview. I completed an application online as well as uploading a CV and covering letter. I received a confirmation email saying they would be in contact with me within 10 days of applications closing. Less than a minute later I got an email saying I had been unsuccessful. It's disappointing ASB doesn't even take the time to look at applications properly to see if the applicant has the relevant experience, before sending the rejection letters."

Mysterious drop-off

"We live in a house in Ponsonby," writes a reader. "On Wednesday, a large black suitcase, a piece of artwork and a Kenwood blender appeared in our front hallway. We can only assume it was delivered to the wrong address. There is nothing to identify anything - but we would like to get rid of them. To recover the goods, please phone David on (09) 306-8888.

Desperate sales tactics

An Australian company is trying to market its properties with a lingerie model and armed commandos. Estate agents NEO Property say they prefer to sell houses by creating viral adverts which feature gratuitous chest shots, implied lesbianism and an action movie plot. One shows a woman being held hostage wearing just her underwear and phoning for help and then describing the house as armed commandos are dispatched to save her. The house has yet to be sold. (Source: Sydney Morning Herald)

Cricket control...

Cricket Plague No 1: "We newly arrived Poms' first late-night Friday shopping experience was on a steaming February in 1978," writes John Lewis. "We were startled by a huge glistening flood under the solitary sodium street light at end of the old narrow Dargaville Bridge. A sea of swarming crickets, drawn to the light. When they learnt that the crickets devoured as much pasture as 1.5 sheep an acre, farmers started putting out Malathioned wheat and poisoned most of them."

...a more natural remedy

Cricket Plague No 2: "I recall as a youngster in Whangarei waking my tame Black Orpington hen in her roost and escorting her to the street-light beneath which a teeming mass of black crickets had gathered. She ate until she could eat no more. The eggs she laid in the ensuing days were gloriously yellow-yoked."