Feline non grata
"So my mum posted the cat an advent calendar. Unfortunately we missed the delivery and the post office won't give it to me because the cat doesn't have ID. I have to ring up the head office and explain that my mother has sent our cat an advent calendar, addressed to the cat, and that the cat can't come pick it up himself or lend me his ID to do it for him." (via @SophieWarnes)
Confession 101
A newly ordained priest is nervous about hearing confessions and asks an older priest to observe one of his sessions to give him some tips.
After a few minutes of listening, the old priest suggests that they have a word. "I've got a few suggestions," he says. "Try folding your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand."
The new priest tries this. "Very good," says his senior. "Now try saying things like 'I see', 'I understand' and 'Yes, go on'."
The younger priest practises these sayings, too.
"Well done," says the older priest. "Don't you think that's better than slapping your knee and saying: 'No way! What happened next?"'
