1. "[Jim] Dixon was alive again. Consciousness was upon him before he could get out of the way ... He lay sprawled, too wicked to move, spewed up like a broken spider-crab on the tarry shingle of the morning ... His mouth had been used as alatrine by some small creature of the night, and then as its mausoleum. During the night, too, he'd somehow been on a cross-country run and then been expertly beaten up by secret police. He felt bad." (Lucky Jim by Kingsley Amis).
2. "11.45pm. Ugh. First day of New Year has been a day of horror. Cannot quite believe I am once again starting the year in a single bed in my parents' house. Having skulked at home all day, hoping hangover would clear, I eventually gave up and set off for the Turkey Curry Buffet far too late. When I got to the Alconburys'... I was still in a strange world of my own - nauseous, vile-headed, acidic ... I leaned against the ornament shelf for support." (Bridget Jones's Diary by Helen Fielding).
3. Marwood: "Oh God, I don't feel good. Look, my thumbs have gone weird! My heart's beating like a stuffed clock! I feel dreadful, I feel really dreadful." Withnail: "So do I, so does everybody. Look at my tongue; it's wearing a yellow sock." (Withnail and I by Bruce Robinson).
Like a hardy har har radio moment about prison rape here is another taste equivalent in the form of a car decal.
Prince pampered pooch
A UK dog owner has spent nearly $11,000 on Christmas presents for her dog. The most lavish gift Emma Buttarazzi bought for Prince, a Chinese crested dog, was a $4000 Swarovski crystal and pearl-encrusted throne. In comparison, the British national average for presents spent on people is $63. Said 24-year-old Buttarazzi: "Nothing is too good for Prince and I love to spoil him at Christmas. He's one of the family." She told the Daily Mirror she had spent 20,000 on her pet over the years, treating him to the finest goods money could buy. Among his other stocking fillers this Christmas, the dog can expect to find three silk tuxedos worth $500 each. She said: "Prince loves being the centre of attention. He loves dressing up. I like to spoil him. I work hard and this is how I like to spend my money."
Christmas spirit passes by NZ Post
"Scrooge is alive and well and living at NZ Post," declares Lorna. "My mum, in her late 70s, bought a Christmas card to send to my brother. About a week after she posted it, the card was returned with a bright yellow stamp. Turns out it was slightly bigger than the "standard" card size, so the postage was insufficient. To add insult to injury, the 80c stamp Mum had used was franked, rendering it useless. Bah humbug."
Leonardo da Vinci's The Last Supper.
Jesus:
Table for 26 please.
Maitre d:
But there are only 13 of you.
Jesus:
Yes, but we are all going to sit on the same side.
Video: The NSW government's Stoner Sloth public awareness campaign - which is intended to discourage young people from smoking pot - is going viral ... for all the wrong reasons.
