Sideswipe: August 26: Standee order

Photo / Supplied

"Attached to the floor inside the flash new buses is this sign," writes Jeff. "Can someone please explain the meaning of 'standee'. If an employee is a person employed by an employer, is a 'standee' someone who is 'stood' by a 'stander'? Stood on? Stood over? Whoever is responsible for this linguistic distortion deserves the status of 'standee'!"

Hypocrite revealed

Mr 8: What's a hypocrite?

Mike: Crikey, that's a big word for you ... Where did you get that one?

Mr 8: I just know it and want to know what it is.

Mummy: It's when someone says something and then does the opposite themselves.

Mr 8: Oh, you mean like Justin Beiber?

Mike: Why, what did he do?

Mr 8: Well, he has that song Never Say Never, but he says it twice - double hypocrite.

Hardly worth the wait

A Swedish man cracked open a jar of brisket that had been sealed for more than 70 years. Eskil Carlsson's parents-in-law had sealed the beef during World War II, and decided not to open it in case "the bad times returned". Eskil explains: "The family had developed respect for the jar... We talked about it from time to time and it became like a member of the family." But when his wife died, he decided the meat had waited long enough. "It didn't smell much," he says. "I shouldn't exaggerate, though, it was no delicacy." (Source: Newser.com)

Ridiculously Clear

Voice message on our phone: "Hello. This is a message from TelstraClear for the person responsible for the TelstraClear account. Please phone to talk to us." My husband, who is the person the accounts are addressed to, rang and the employee checked his name, address and date of birth but declared the date of birth was different from the one on their records so wouldn't tell him what the call was about. He suggested they speak to me. I was supposed to go through the same performance of name, address, date of birth, and then give them permission to talk to my husband. The conversation ended with my saying this was ridiculous and hanging up."

Generation Vexed

We've got the baby boomers, Gen X, Gen Y and The Millennials ... what do you call young people of today? The Los Angeles Times coined the term Generation Vexed. They say one poll shows fewer than half of Americans believe the present generation will have a better life than the last. Another poll, of young Americans, found three-quarters expect to delay a major life change or purchase because of economic factors. Back here; remember when "Dinkys" - double income no kids yet - was being used? Now "Sitcoms" (single income; two children; oppressive mortgage) is the acronym of choice.

Rooting for the All Blacks

Linda writes: "My mum has had a T-shirt made which reads, 'Bugger you, Telecom, I'm rooting for the All Blacks'."