Sideswipe: Aug 30: Idiot Proof

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Opinion

How many did they watch before adding the other sign?

Teutonic logic

Chris, a Kiwi living in Germany, has just experienced an example of German reasoning. "I work in the Hafen City in Hamburg, a large building housing about 40 companies. We just had a fire alarm. Barely anyone made for the stairs. Barely anyone checked to see if anyone was left behind. Almost everyone went outside on the balcony to have a cigarette. The logic was simple. The alarm's too loud to work at my desk, so might as well have a break ... seven floors up on a balcony attached to a building that was 'on fire'."

In-joke outfit

The new Air New Zealand uniform has a waistcoat for male cabin crew adorned with Kiwiana words and phrases (such as "Gidday" and "Aotearoa"). But also included was, "Always remember to blow on the pie; safer communities together". I know they like to have a young and edgy image, but as with their cringe-making rugby-themed safety briefings, this seems to be another Telecom-esque example of marketing people who think they're hilarious creating something that'll make most of their customers scratch their heads. Why is an international airline making jokes that only Kiwis understand? I was surprised that"O for Awesome" and "Get a Perm" didn't make the cut.

Mum knows best

"Lies I've told my children," writes Cheryl Bernstein. "
1. If you pee in the swimming pool, red dye appears in the water around you and an alarm goes off.
2. If you type in my smartphone password wrongly 10 times in a row, the phone will explode."

Up close and (too) personal

If you join a library in Britain you may have to answer some searching questions ... such as do you have HIV, cancer or schizophrenia, and have you had a sex change? According to the Daily Telegraph, people registering to borrow books in parts of London are also asked; "Do you consider yourself to be a gypsy or traveller?" and "How would you describe your sexual orientation?" The information is being gathered as part of efforts to comply with equal opportunity rules aimed at ensuring people who use public services don't suffer discrimination.

Telling porkies

According to several readers, the vegetarian roast pork (and the other meaty "vegetarian" options) on the menu pictured yesterday will not be meat, but some sort of gluten-free substitute, so don't panic.

Sitting duck

Many readers wrote in to chastise Jeff for not knowing (or bothering to Google) the word "standee". Leo writes: "Standee is an excepted [sic] word according to dictionary.com, defined as 'a person who stands, as a passenger in a train, a spectator at a theatre, etc, because all the seats are taken or standing room is cheaper than a seat'. Like many odd English words it's an Americanism, dating from around 1820-1830."