KEY POINTS:
Santa Claus as we know him - boisterous, round-bellied, cuddly - has become an endangered species.
As the Jolly Fellow gears up for his busiest time of the year, reports are coming in from around the globe that political correctness is threatening his persona. Nothing is sacred -
everything from his figure to his mode of transport, even his signature phrase, are under fire.
In Australia, Father Christmases are being banned from saying "ho, ho, ho". The Australian branch of recruitment firm Westaff - which also trains about 70 Santas in New Zealand - told its wannabe St Nicks that "ho, ho, ho" could frighten children. In Adelaide, one Westaff trainee Santa claimed the class of 30 had also been told "ho" was American slang for a prostitute, and therefore a derogatory term for females.
Westaff New Zealand is not following the lead of its Australian counterparts, and confirms local Santas can make up their own minds about greeting children.
But it doesn't stop there. Environmentalists are also trying to alter Santa's image. The nine reindeer which pull Santa's sleigh through the sky would apparently emit methane with a global warming impact equivalent to about 40,600 tonnes of greenhouse gases - almost as much as a plane on a 122-million-mile trip. Thus, US scientists have come up with a new hybrid sleigh requiring only eight tiny reindeer, or modern hydrogen fuel cells, to power it along.
Santa has also found himself on the frontline of the war against obesity. British Santas have been told to set a good example for children by slimming down. One UK shopping centre has set up a boot camp to make its Santas "fitter and healthier".
It appears reason has prevailed on this issue locally - rumours one Westaff New Zealand client requested a "skinny Santa" for its mall were urban myth. "I haven't heard of that, no," a spokesman said with a laugh.
But the traditional Santa Claus concept has changed in recent years.
Instructions for Westaff Santas on both sides of the Tasman include keeping their hands visible at all times - even wearing white gloves to facilitate this. They're also told not to promise gifts parents can't afford.
Many malls or shops have customised sofa chairs to allow children to sit next to Santa instead of on his knee. They have also done away with the tradition of giving children lollies.
Auckland's chief Santa is having none of it. "I will not be changing my mode - my mode will be 'ho, ho, ho, merry Christmas' and that will be the way I will do it," said John Robertson, who has stood in for Santa for the past seven years in the Auckland Christmas Parade.
But the Herald on Sunday can confirm at least one anti-Santa report - that the European Union was trying to stamp out the "sexism" inherent in Santa costumes - was untrue.
The Sun newspaper claimed shops were selling Mother Christmas outfits alongside Santa outfits to avoid prosecution for sexist behaviour. The EU says it has no jurisdiction over items sold by shops.
Christmas cheer comes loud and large to the heart of Auckland this afternoon for the 74th annual Farmers Santa Parade.
Parade comes to town
When and where: Today 2pm, rain date: December 2. The 2.2km 50-minute route starts at the corner of Mayoral Drive and Cook St, then along the route outlined on the map below.
Watch out for: Santa, grand marshall Warriors captain Steve Price, the popular Buzzy Bee float and Koru Care collectors with their buckets.
Parking: If you're in before noon, you get to park free at Downtown, Victoria Street, K Road and Fanshawe St Auckland City carparks.
Afterwards: A two-hour party for young and old will rock Aotea Square. It will feature StarFish, the Cookie Bear Show, Urban Beat and the National Youth Theatre Company.