NZ Herald
  • Home
  • Latest news
  • Herald NOW
  • Video
  • New Zealand
  • Sport
  • World
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Podcasts
  • Quizzes
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Travel
  • Viva
  • Weather

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • New Zealand
    • All New Zealand
    • Crime
    • Politics
    • Education
    • Open Justice
    • Scam Update
  • Herald NOW
  • On The Up
  • World
    • All World
    • Australia
    • Asia
    • UK
    • United States
    • Middle East
    • Europe
    • Pacific
  • Business
    • All Business
    • MarketsSharesCurrencyCommoditiesStock TakesCrypto
    • Markets with Madison
    • Media Insider
    • Business analysis
    • Personal financeKiwiSaverInterest ratesTaxInvestment
    • EconomyInflationGDPOfficial cash rateEmployment
    • Small business
    • Business reportsMood of the BoardroomProject AucklandSustainable business and financeCapital markets reportAgribusiness reportInfrastructure reportDynamic business
    • Deloitte Top 200 Awards
    • CompaniesAged CareAgribusinessAirlinesBanking and financeConstructionEnergyFreight and logisticsHealthcareManufacturingMedia and MarketingRetailTelecommunicationsTourism
  • Opinion
    • All Opinion
    • Analysis
    • Editorials
    • Business analysis
    • Premium opinion
    • Letters to the editor
  • Politics
  • Sport
    • All Sport
    • OlympicsParalympics
    • RugbySuper RugbyNPCAll BlacksBlack FernsRugby sevensSchool rugby
    • CricketBlack CapsWhite Ferns
    • Racing
    • NetballSilver Ferns
    • LeagueWarriorsNRL
    • FootballWellington PhoenixAuckland FCAll WhitesFootball FernsEnglish Premier League
    • GolfNZ Open
    • MotorsportFormula 1
    • Boxing
    • UFC
    • BasketballNBABreakersTall BlacksTall Ferns
    • Tennis
    • Cycling
    • Athletics
    • SailingAmerica's CupSailGP
    • Rowing
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Viva - Food, fashion & beauty
    • Society Insider
    • Royals
    • Sex & relationships
    • Food & drinkRecipesRecipe collectionsRestaurant reviewsRestaurant bookings
    • Health & wellbeing
    • Fashion & beauty
    • Pets & animals
    • The Selection - Shop the trendsShop fashionShop beautyShop entertainmentShop giftsShop home & living
    • Milford's Investing Place
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • TV
    • MoviesMovie reviews
    • MusicMusic reviews
    • BooksBook reviews
    • Culture
    • ReviewsBook reviewsMovie reviewsMusic reviewsRestaurant reviews
  • Travel
    • All Travel
    • News
    • New ZealandNorthlandAucklandWellingtonCanterburyOtago / QueenstownNelson-TasmanBest NZ beaches
    • International travelAustraliaPacific IslandsEuropeUKUSAAfricaAsia
    • Rail holidays
    • Cruise holidays
    • Ski holidays
    • Luxury travel
    • Adventure travel
  • Kāhu Māori news
  • Environment
    • All Environment
    • Our Green Future
  • Talanoa Pacific news
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Property Insider
    • Interest rates tracker
    • Residential property listings
    • Commercial property listings
  • Health
  • Technology
    • All Technology
    • AI
    • Social media
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
    • Opinion
    • Audio & podcasts
  • Weather forecasts
    • All Weather forecasts
    • Kaitaia
    • Whangārei
    • Dargaville
    • Auckland
    • Thames
    • Tauranga
    • Hamilton
    • Whakatāne
    • Rotorua
    • Tokoroa
    • Te Kuiti
    • Taumaranui
    • Taupō
    • Gisborne
    • New Plymouth
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Dannevirke
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Levin
    • Paraparaumu
    • Masterton
    • Wellington
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Blenheim
    • Westport
    • Reefton
    • Kaikōura
    • Greymouth
    • Hokitika
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
    • Wānaka
    • Oamaru
    • Queenstown
    • Dunedin
    • Gore
    • Invercargill
  • Meet the journalists
  • Promotions & competitions
  • OneRoof property listings
  • Driven car news

Puzzles & Quizzes

  • Puzzles
    • All Puzzles
    • Sudoku
    • Code Cracker
    • Crosswords
    • Cryptic crossword
    • Wordsearch
  • Quizzes
    • All Quizzes
    • Morning quiz
    • Afternoon quiz
    • Sports quiz

Regions

  • Northland
    • All Northland
    • Far North
    • Kaitaia
    • Kerikeri
    • Kaikohe
    • Bay of Islands
    • Whangarei
    • Dargaville
    • Kaipara
    • Mangawhai
  • Auckland
  • Waikato
    • All Waikato
    • Hamilton
    • Coromandel & Hauraki
    • Matamata & Piako
    • Cambridge
    • Te Awamutu
    • Tokoroa & South Waikato
    • Taupō & Tūrangi
  • Bay of Plenty
    • All Bay of Plenty
    • Katikati
    • Tauranga
    • Mount Maunganui
    • Pāpāmoa
    • Te Puke
    • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Hawke's Bay
    • All Hawke's Bay
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Havelock North
    • Central Hawke's Bay
    • Wairoa
  • Taranaki
    • All Taranaki
    • Stratford
    • New Plymouth
    • Hāwera
  • Manawatū - Whanganui
    • All Manawatū - Whanganui
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Manawatū
    • Tararua
    • Horowhenua
  • Wellington
    • All Wellington
    • Kapiti
    • Wairarapa
    • Upper Hutt
    • Lower Hutt
  • Nelson & Tasman
    • All Nelson & Tasman
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Tasman
  • Marlborough
  • West Coast
  • Canterbury
    • All Canterbury
    • Kaikōura
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
  • Otago
    • All Otago
    • Oamaru
    • Dunedin
    • Balclutha
    • Alexandra
    • Queenstown
    • Wanaka
  • Southland
    • All Southland
    • Invercargill
    • Gore
    • Stewart Island
  • Gisborne

Media

  • Video
    • All Video
    • NZ news video
    • Herald NOW
    • Business news video
    • Politics news video
    • Sport video
    • World news video
    • Lifestyle video
    • Entertainment video
    • Travel video
    • Markets with Madison
    • Kea Kids news
  • Podcasts
    • All Podcasts
    • The Front Page
    • On the Tiles
    • Ask me Anything
    • The Little Things
  • Cartoons
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / New Zealand

Raybon Kan: Trump gives us outrage vertigo

Raybon Kan
By Raybon Kan
Raybon Kan is an award-winning stand-up comedian·NZ Herald·
1 Feb, 2017 04:00 PM4 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

On the bright side, we're too far from Russia to be invaded by Vladimir Putin. Photo / AP

On the bright side, we're too far from Russia to be invaded by Vladimir Putin. Photo / AP

Raybon Kan
Opinion by Raybon Kan
Raybon Kan is an award-winning stand-up comedian
Learn more

Suddenly, February. In a simpler time, the big issue might be kids going back to school, whether school holidays should be scheduled by the Met Service, whether kids should be assigned homework or community service, and whether touchscreen devices should have an age-minimum like alcohol.

In a simpler time, the big issue might be whether La La Land deserves the most Oscar nominations ever. Is it even a good movie? Why are its two nominations for Best Song, not even the movie's two catchiest songs? Are these tactical song nominations, deliberately going for sad and slow, knowing they'd be up against a defiant, Let It Go type Disney belter from Moana?

In a simpler time, these are the things we could fixate on, content in the belief that deep down, society was being run in good faith, by qualified adults who at least had to appear to seek the best for people, and who weren't just running a heist to plunder the public purses of the most advanced economies.

We could nerd out on cricket; get excited about Roger Federer (finally) or the Year of the Rooster. And it would be harmless. Can you believe how naive we were a year ago, when our biggest concern was the design of the NZ flag? That's not even re-arranging deck chairs - that's choosing the logo for the deck chairs.

But right now, we're in crazy times. When the movie gets made about this period in history, it will be called Putin's Eleven.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Together, across various continents, this axis of white supremacy has put on fake uniforms, breached all the security, got inside all the buildings where decisions are made, and they're about to re-jig all the money pipes so public funds spurt so hard into their own pockets, they're gonna need new pockets, believe me.

Every day, several times a day in fact, there's a new dose of crazy. We're connected to a hypodermic drip of crazy, and a sadistic nurse keeps cranking it up. I haven't quite read the label on the drip, but at a guess, the generic name is Dystopia.

After Trump said he'd bring back torture, because it works so well (if you can correctly hear the names being named, through the screaming); just for a bit of sanity, I switched off social media for a day. When I got back, Trump had banned Muslim refugees. For that matter, Muslim Americans with green cards.

Children were being handcuffed in American airports, then deported back to war zones. Court orders in favour of those being banned, were ignored by border patrol officers, barely stifling the tumescence on their saluting arm, relishing their chance to follow orders.

Normally you exaggerate to make a point, but now everyone seems to be exaggerating, when all they're doing is literally describing the insanity before them. Notice how often you see the word "literally" these days. Literal five year olds, literally in handcuffs.

Discover more

Opinion

Raybon Kan: 2017, Prepare to be happy

04 Jan 04:30 PM
Opinion

Trump's dirty laundry less vile than policy

11 Jan 04:17 PM
Opinion

Inauguration sideshow bit of a struggle

18 Jan 04:00 PM
Opinion

Doomsday-averse rich bunkers for NZ

25 Jan 04:00 PM

It hasn't been two weeks. We all have outrage vertigo. And the end result will be that we're bludgeoned into submission: such is life. This is how it is for the little people. This is our lot.

The outrages don't let up, like combinations to the head. We haven't unpacked one container of obvious evil before the next one rains down. We're below a crane, holding them by the dozen. And in the harbour, there's container ships full of them. I'm still reeling from the fact that Trump even got nominated.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Without financial disclosure. Is there a more morally bankrupt group than the Republican Party? They're waterboys for dictatorship. Are they all being paid off by Putin? How much did each of them cost?

And what happens next? Supposing the sanctions against Putin are lifted and supposing Putin rewards his puppets - what happens if all those financial transactions find the light of day, and Trump goes to Guantanamo?

Does his Supreme Court justice get to keep his job? Does Ivanka just go back to a quiet life selling pirated thousand dollar shoes? Do Eric and Donald Jr go back to hunting endangered species?

The protests are some source of encouragement. Somehow Trump won via Twitter, but it's hard to imagine he will be defeated by hashtags. It will take concerted leaking of information, at least from inside the US tax department.

And where do we fit in all this? At the very least, it's our duty to speak up. On the bright side, we're too far from Russia to be invaded by Putin.

@RaybonKan / www.raybonkan.com

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Save

    Share this article

Latest from New Zealand

New Zealand

New Zealander arrested in France charged with attempted murder of political activist

22 Jun 06:37 AM
New ZealandUpdated

Multi-vehicle crash shuts key Auckland road, two critically injured

22 Jun 05:50 AM
New Zealand

37 players split Lotto Second Division win – where the tickets were sold

22 Jun 05:06 AM

Jono and Ben brew up a tea-fuelled adventure in Sri Lanka

sponsored
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from New Zealand

New Zealander arrested in France charged with attempted murder of political activist

New Zealander arrested in France charged with attempted murder of political activist

22 Jun 06:37 AM

Laotian political activist Joseph Akaravong was stabbed – allegedly by a Kiwi.

Multi-vehicle crash shuts key Auckland road, two critically injured

Multi-vehicle crash shuts key Auckland road, two critically injured

22 Jun 05:50 AM
37 players split Lotto Second Division win – where the tickets were sold

37 players split Lotto Second Division win – where the tickets were sold

22 Jun 05:06 AM
'Reflection of whakapapa': Māori baby names reveal cultural trends

'Reflection of whakapapa': Māori baby names reveal cultural trends

22 Jun 04:51 AM
Help for those helping hardest-hit
sponsored

Help for those helping hardest-hit

NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • NZ Herald e-editions
  • Daily puzzles & quizzes
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Subscribe to the NZ Herald newspaper
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP