Protest wins townies' honks

By CLAIRE TREVETT

Up in the twincab ute with farmer John Glasson, the blood is running hot.

It is the Helensville farmer's second day in the Fight Against Ridiculous Taxes (Fart) protest convoy to object to the Government's proposed levy on cow and sheep wind.

Mr Glasson blooded himself in Wellsford on Monday and by yesterday he was hooked on the life of a protester.

"This is bloody marvellous."

He had armed himself with the sort of hooter people try to avoid sitting next to at the rugby and was using it to good effect.

"Aah, give this girl a parp." A woman strolling along the footpath nearly dropped her dog's lead in fright.

"Give the workmen a parp. Oh, better give these girls a parp too."

In between, Mr Glasson spun yarns of life on the farm - the heifer that had a tricky birth the night before, the milk tanker with the temerity to arrive early.

There was no law when the farmers were on their rampage. The police put it on hold for them - ensuring green lights the entire way along Ponsonby Rd, down Karangahape Rd and into Queen St.

Mr Glasson was delighted with the police. One in particular - a lone ranger scooting up and down the long stretch of protest vehicles on a motorbike - earned himself the name Ponch, after Francis Poncherello in the CHiPs TV series.

"She's wildly exciting with all these cops tearing round and Ponch there on his motorbike," Mr Glasson hooted.

"He's having a fantastic time. A parp for Ponch."

However, even Ponch could not put a stop to talk of a tax on livestock blamed for causing 50 per cent of New Zealand's greenhouse gas emissions.

Costing the average farmer about $300 a year, the tax will total $8.4 million a year and will pay for research on methane emission.

It is part of the Government's commitment under the Kyoto Protocol to reduce greenhouse gas emissions.

Mr Glasson said it took a lot to rile a farmer. "Farmers are pretty laid back. They don't get up in arms over trivial things. But for God's sake, this is just bloody ridiculous."

Onlookers began to warm up at the top of Ponsonby Rd. One man on the side of the road lifted his leg and scrunched up his face in a mime.

There were smiles, thumbs-ups and car honks in reply.

The protest convoy had grown in size and noise from Monday's trail of 10 that drove from Wellsford to Orewa.

Bolstered by troops from Helensville and Franklin, about 45 vehicles filed in behind James Colville's battered ute bearing Annabel the plastic cow on its trailer.

Even the farm dogs came to town for the occasion.

Judith Lawrence, director of the Crown's Climate Change Office, told the Herald the Government is already putting $40 million into agricultural research.

About $1.6 million is going into reducing emissions and the farmers needed to take more of the burden.

"The agricultural sector stands to lose a lot from climate change," Ms Lawrence said. "Given they produce 50 per cent of the emissions, they need to be part of the solution."

But such a defence of the flatulence tax would have fallen on deaf ears among farmers in the convoy.

"No other country in the world is getting into this," said Wellsford farmer Dave Oldfield.

"It's just to get the green vote. Anything that goes on, the farmers have to pay for it."

Mr Colville, an Auckland Federated Farmers executive member, had a more sentimental view of the unfairness of the tax.

Animals had served humankind since time immemorial, he said. Animal fat was rendered and used to provide light in lamps. Their furs were used for warmth. Humans ate their meat, drank their milk and still the Government wanted to tax them for having a good belch.

He left the distinct impression that if cows could read the newspaper, the Dana Lyons classic Cows with Guns might become more than an amusing piece of fiction.

After a quick re-cap after the drive, the protest mob broke up.

Many headed on to Papakura, where the Fart rally will continue today.

However, Mr Glasson's protest was over after two days away from the farm. "You get a taste for it and you say 'Yeah, I'm going down tomorrow'. But I can't. I have to stay home on the farm."

He'll be back behind the wheel for the next big issue, though.

* A decision by the Cabinet on how the tax will be collected is due within the next few weeks.

The Government may have to consider legislating to enforce its collection, with meat companies, industry organisations and Fonterra indicating they have no intention of collecting it unless they are required to by law.