Praise preferred over smacking

Sally Teiniker disciplines children Carmen, 5, and Keenan, 3, without smacking. Picture / Martin Sykes

Most parents and caregivers of under-5-year-olds consider smacking to be the least effective way to discipline children, a survey has found.

UMR Research findings released yesterday come on the eve of the first reading of Green MP Sue Bradford's anti-smacking bill in Parliament today.

It polled 1367 readers of Tots to Teens magazine on behalf of the Littlies Lobby, a joint initiative between Plunket and the Children's Commissioner.

More than 90 per cent of respondents rated praise for good behaviour and leading by example as the most effective means of fostering discipline.

Other strategies that rated highly were giving small rewards for tasks well done and talking about what is right and wrong.

Only 9 per cent thought smacking was effective, with an overwhelming 71 per cent rating a smack as ineffective.

But a fifth of respondents also rated smacking as neither effective nor ineffective.

In contrast, a Herald-DigiPoll survey this month found 71.2 per cent of voters believed parents should be given the legal defence of reasonable force, while 21 per cent disagree.

Littlies Lobby co-ordinator Deborah Morris-Travers said the high level of awareness could signal a change in parental methods.

"For most people, smacking is used in anger and sometimes as a last resort. But as experience demonstrates, children don't respond well to it. All it does is create fear, rather than teach them that there is a better way to behave."

Sally Teiniker used to smack her daughter, Carmen, 5.

As a 2-year-old, Carmen would throw food and try to pull things off the table. Mrs Teiniker would sometimes reciprocate with a smack on the hand.

"Initially, it was a relief because I was frustrated, worked up and quite tense. But immediately after, it didn't make me feel any better. I felt guilty as a parent, that I was doing something wrong. I could see that I wasn't changing her behaviour."

The part-time Plunket worker realised she needed to spend more time with her children to alter their ways. As a result, Carmen's brother Keenan, 3, has never been smacked.

If they misbehave now - and they regularly fight with each other - Mrs Teiniker separates them and gives them time out. She talks to them and asks them the cause of their fights. Sometimes the answer is as simple as hunger or tiredness.

Praise for good behaviour "happens all the time".

She knows some parents will argue that smacking is effective, but she is going on experience.

"There wasn't a need to smack them the more time I spent with them, teaching them how I wanted them to behave.

"The underlying philosophy is kids need love and warmth, limits and boundaries."

Children's Commissioner Cindy Kiro said parents need not worry about Ms Bradford's bill. She has been assured by police that they will not be prosecuting parents.

"It's not about whether or not a parent has, in raising their children, ever hit their children."

Dr Kiro said the bill would repeal section 59 of the Crimes Act, which would remove the defence of "reasonable force" from parents who use physical punishment to discipline their child.

It would remove a loophole that has allowed parents to get off assault charges on their children, despite having used items such as horse whips and rubber hoses, she said.

"Why should there be a legal defence for that? I think there shouldn't be."

Ms Morris-Travers said the bill would go some way towards improving the child abuse statistics.

"We have a culture of violence in this country that is really abhorrent. I think we need to be prepared to take this issue on, look at it and say, 'It's time for this outdated law from 1961 to go'."