Adam Vardey was always a protector. Even at the very end, perhaps as a final act of protection, he waited until his family left the room for a cup of tea before he slipped away quietly in his hospital bed.
His death this week came fast, just a day after doctors told his wife they would sedate him for his pain, but that he’d be unlikely to come back out of the sedation.
Everything about his cancer happened with cruel speed. He was only diagnosed seven weeks earlier.
What’s become clear in the following days is just how big a hole the 42-year-old Porirua man has left in his community.
“He had a huge influence, and, I think, more than he will ever know. More than we ever knew,” said his wife, Zoe Vardey.
“I think the influence that he’d had on people isn’t something that we all kind of had a lot of knowledge about, because he was quite humble in the mahi that he did . . . he just loved to help people.”
Adam, a father and stepfather of six and koro to four, died on Monday, less than two months after being diagnosed with brain cancer.
Doctors had said he might, with treatment, live another 12 months after diagnosis, but the reality was much quicker.
“He had one really tearful day and, I think, once that was out of his system he was okay,” Zoe said.
He underwent surgery and was recovering well, but a couple of weeks later ended up in the ICU.
“We weren’t sure if he was going to come out of that, but he did. That really robbed him of so much of who he was. When he came home from that, he was quite different.”
Adam struggled with pain in his head in his final weeks, and last weekend had to go to the emergency department because of the discomfort.
“He just couldn’t get on top of the pain he was experiencing in his head from the pressure and fluid build-up. The only way they could control it was to sedate him.”
Doctors made it clear sedation likely meant the end would come earlier than expected, telling the family, “Once he is sedated, it’s highly likely that he won’t come back . . . it could be a couple of days, it could be a couple of weeks”.
“We got a day”, Zoe told the Herald.
Another relative told Zoe Adam probably hadn’t wanted to keep his loved ones hanging on, watching a slow deterioration.
“He waited for me and children and his mum to be out of the room,” she said. “We had all gone to get, like, a cup of tea and something to eat, and then, yeah, he just passed.
“The situation, although incredibly heartbreaking, was also kind of like a bit of a relief because we knew that there was no more pain for him and that he could rest.”
Adam was a staunch lover of sports, which much of his life revolved around.
Zoe remembered coming home from the hospital with one of their children who was only a few hours old, and, once settled in, Adam popping off to the gym for a workout.
He was an international Sevens player, representing the Cook Islands in the Commonwealth Games in 2006. He was deeply involved in his local clubs, playing and coaching as well as working as a personal trainer. Adam was also a committed member of both Northern United and Paremata-Plimmerton rugby clubs.
He had also worked closely with Porirua youth to create safe spaces for them to be themselves.
“Some of the fondest memories I have are of watching him play rugby, watching him play on the international stage,” Zoe said.
“Every part of his heart and soul was left on that field. I always felt really proud watching him because he gave his all every single time, and I see that in our children when they play sport. They are just so much like their dad in that respect.”
Even more important to Adam was family, she said.
“I think family and whakapapa and connection was really, really, really important to him.
“That’s really been quite telling . . . in the last eight weeks his values of connection and family have shone really brightly, because the amount of people and support has just been, I don’t even have the words to articulate just how incredible it’s been.
“We have called him a connector,” she said, laughing about how some friends the other day commented they felt “ripped off” because they thought theirs was the only clique Adam was a part of, only to discover he had many cliques and groups of people he was close to.
Adam has two stepchildren, aged 25 and 22, and four children, aged between 8 and 17. His grandchildren range from 1-7 years old.
“He was a generous, loving, just, protector. He put things in place to make sure that if he wasn’t ever around, that we would be okay.”
Time with his whanau was important to Adam, despite his “hectic schedule”.
“He always made sure that he had time for those that meant the most to him, which was his children.”
Right now, Zoe doesn’t know exactly how she feels.
“I don’t think the impact of this loss will really kind of settle in until the weeks to come,” she said, noting there had been many people around and lots to do since Adam’s death.
“Right now is an absolute mixture of heartbreak and love. Incredible grief, incredibly heartbroken but also incredibly grateful for the massive amount of love and support that we’re receiving.”
Speaking on behalf of Arena Fitness, where Adam had worked, colleague Sheree Marsh said he had been a “huge” part of the fitness community.
“There was no other and there is no other trainer like Adam Vardey, or Addzaa. It was never about the attention for him or wanting to get the acknowledgement of what he did, because he was very humble like that. He did it for the people,” she said.
“He was our community man, he was loyal, he was ruthless, he could take you to places that no other trainer could take you . . . he was full-hearted because he cared. There’s not a lot of trainers you could say that are like that.”
Marsh said they would miss him and he was a “massive loss” not just to their gym, but to others as well.
“I don’t know how it’s going to be day to day after losing our friend.”
Tribute posts have also flowed on social media, including from local MP Barbara Edmonds, who referred to him as “young local legend”.
“Manuia lau malaga my friend,” she wrote.
The Cook Islands Rugby Union also shared a message following his death, calling him a “proud son of the Cook Islands and servant of rugby”.
“More than just a player, Adam embodied everything that is good about rugby: courage, humility, commitment, and deep aroha for his teammates and culture. He inspired with his play and led with his heart, forever leaving a mark on the fabric of Cook Islands rugby.”
Northern United Rugby Club wrote that Adam “embodied mana both on and off the field”.
“His laugh echoed with life, his presence lifted others, and his one-liners were legendary. Even in illness, he remained steadfast, caring, courageous, and anchored by love for his whānau.”
Adam was farewelled in a private family service on Friday. There will be a public service today at 10am at Maraeroa Marae followed by his burial at Whenua Tapu at 11.30am. His service and burial will be livestreamed on the TE MANA Facebook page.
Melissa Nightingale is a Wellington-based reporter who covers crime, justice and news in the capital. She joined the Herald in 2016 and has worked as a journalist for 10 years.