Steve Braunias: The Secret Diary of Barack Obama

Barack Obama, 44th President of the United States, meets Prime Minister Jacinda Adern on Thursday

MONDAY

Michelle said this morning, "Where are you going?"

"Out," I said. The driver took my bags.

She said, "Can you get some milk?"

"Well," I said, "I guess I can."

TUESDAY

Arrived at Auckland airport just after midnight. John was there.

"Mate," he said, and shook my hand.

"Good to see you," I said.

"How was the flight?"

"Good," I said.

"Wait till you try Air New Zealand," he said. "I'm on the board."

"How's that going?"

"Good," he said.

"That's good to hear," I said.

He took my bags, and opened the door of the limo.

"See you at Kauri Cliffs tomorrow. Think you can beat me this time?" he asked, with his trademark smile.

"Hey," I laughed, "I hope I can."

WEDNESDAY

Beautiful day at an exclusive course with John and his son Mick.

"How's your career in showbiz?" I asked him.

"I've kind of quit," Mick said.

"It's hard. You can have all the talent in the world, but you still need to promote the brand," I said.

"Yeah, I found it pretty hard to get any publicity," he said.

"There you go," I said.

John took my golfbag, and we walked along the green in the sunshine.

"So," he said, "how's life after politics treating you?"

"Pretty fair," I said. "I mean. Here we are."

"Here we are," he said. His phone rang. "Oh," he said. "It's Simon. New leader of my party. It'd mean a lot to him to have his photo taken talking on his phone to you. Would you mind having a quick word?"

"Sure," I said, "I suppose I can."

THURSDAY

I met John this morning at another exclusive golf course. He said, "How was last night?"

"Good," I said. "I had dinner with Peter Jackson."

"Good guy," he said.

"He said you helped him out once," I said.

"It's about making things happen, isn't it?" he said.

"That's what it's all about," I said.

Later I flew to Auckland and met Prime Minister Jasmine Ardern.

I said, "I hear you are expecting a baby."

She said, "I am in a few weeks."

I said, "That's so exciting."

Later there was dinner at an exclusive events venue. Stan Neil, the actor, asked me questions onstage. Well, a man has to sing for his supper, which was a choice of ginger-glazed salmon with turmeric and coconut broth, or slow-cooked beef short-rib with grilled broccolini and crispy shallots, cooked by renowned New Zealand chef Gordon Peters. I ordered both but couldn't eat it all. Stan took my doggybag, and had it taken to my hotel room.

Later I sat at the bar with John.

"Mate," he said. "End of the day? You were a great President. A great, great President."

"So were you," I said.

"Damn straight," he said, and walked to the bathroom.

I saw my reflection in the window. It was ghostly in the black glass. I didn't like what I saw looking back. It looked more dead than alive. I thought: How can you live with yourself?

And then John slapped me on the back and ordered one for the road.

FRIDAY

Michelle called when I was at Auckland airport. "You home soon?" she asked.

"Pretty soon," I said.

"Good. Can you pick up some milk?"

The pilot took my bags. I felt very tired.

"You know," I said, "I don't know if I can."