Permission to succeed

Lois Frankel, author of 'Nice Girls Don't Get The Corner Office', says women in business need to stop acting like "big girls' blouses".

Women the world over tend to make the same mistakes at work. But once they address those mistakes and begin to act differently, their career paths take wonderful turns never thought possible.

If you're a woman in business frustrated by limited success, you may need to stop acting like a "big girl's blouse". At least that's the advice of visiting career coach, California-based Dr Lois P. Frankel, here to promote her latest book Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office.

Frankel suspects many New Zealand female workers, like their global counterparts, are their own worst enemy in the career advancement stakes.

After observing and coaching women in the workplace for more than 25 years, Frankel's convinced most working women accidentally foster their own failure and unhappiness. She claims their behaviour traits - the main reason why they're underpaid, overworked and under-appreciated - is often a direct result of their upbringing.

Frankel says the qualities expected of "nice girls" growing up - polite, softly spoken, compliant and relationship-oriented - can entrench submissive behaviour that becomes a liability to women entering the workforce.

So if you didn't get the raise you were expecting or were passed over for promotion, Frankel says it's time to check whether timid girlish behaviour is holding you back?

"Being quiet, unassuming, and seeking consensus may promote harmony in relationships, but it may not gain you much notice at work," says Frankel, a psychotherapist.

On the flipside, she says female execs who use feminine charms to get ahead risk career suicide. As many of the female contestants on the reality TV show The Apprentice learnt, she says overly flirtatious behaviour is a sure-fire way to lose the respect of colleagues.

In an attempt to help business women act more assertively, Frankel's new book - which debuted on the New York business best-seller list early last year - unearths the unconscious mistakes they make that sabotage their careers. It also provides insights and practical tools to help eliminate those bad habits and enhance career success.

Some mistakes she lists as common for women (as well as many men) include avoiding workplace politics, failing to capitalise on good relationships and using too many words to explain your position.

But here's a look at some of the strategic mistakes Frankel believes female workers (in particular) are most likely to make.

The "overly" eager-beaver syndrome: Naturally there'll be times when it's appropriate to work overtime on key projects. But Frankel says women who never take a break - and willingly do whatever it takes to meet requests - not only risk their health, spreading themselves too thin, and compromising their work quality, but are usually taken for granted.

"Bosses appreciate people who do grunt work, but you won't be seen as someone who is strategic or innovative - the type of person more likely to get promoted," says Frankel.

Instead of becoming a workaholic, she recommends female workers clearly define their working hours and give themselves permission to "waste" a little time each day.

"Remember, if you're not spending 5 per cent of your day building relationships you're missing out on an important opportunity."

Dodging meetings: While some meetings might be unproductive, Frankel says they provide an opportunity to get better acquainted with the boss or the boss' boss. From her experience, those who make their point to get noticed - often by attending meetings - are typically the people who get promoted. "That doesn't mean attend every meeting on Earth, but just consider whether the meeting might give you a chance to improve crucial relationships."

Priming yourself for ridicule: For example, by asking whether more should be spent on marketing - instead of suggesting that more be spent on marketing - Frankel says you can set yourself up to hear either "no" or to have someone argue with you or steal your idea.

Always looking for green lights: Rather than simply stating you'll do something, too many female workers - according to Frankel - open the door for the boss to say 'no'.

She says while a boss who needs to object will continue doing so - this stance lessons the temptation.

"In expressing themselves, women often do three things that diminish them in the eyes of others: Explaining, apologising and asking permission," Frankel says. "Inform others of your intentions, don't ask permission. Assume equality, if people have a problem with what you're doing, they'll let you know."

Pretending work's a picnic: Instead of treating it as an arena where everyone comes to play nicely, Frankel suggests women view the workplace as a game. That means being aware of the rules - both unspoken and official - and making them work to your advantage.

"Look at interactions, memos and meetings with a new eye, and talk about the game with people you can trust," advises Frankel.

Accentuating negative traits: Frankel reminds women that telling the truth is no reason to fall into the all too common habit of casting yourself in a negative light. What it does require, she adds is an honest, objective description of facts without blame or self-flagellation.

"If you're legitimately responsible for a blunder, don't make it worse by embellishing it," counsels Frankel. "Avoid the tendency to agree, explain or be defensive, and don't allow yourself to feel bad - we all make mistakes."

Holding your tongue: Fearful of holding their tongue, Frankel says women often avoid sayings things that should legitimately be said. Another common characteristic, observes Frankel is the number of women who let others (notably men) get the credit for their ideas.

"Take more risks with giving your opinions at meetings. And when someone proposes the same thing you've just suggested, call their attention to it by saying, 'it sounds like you're building on my original suggestion, and I'd certainly support that'," Frankel recommends.

Waiting to be asked: Based on Frankel's observations women are often disappointed over not having their needs met without having to be asked. She says women often feel they're doing something wrong in even asking for what's rightfully theirs.

"Prepare requests in advance over what you want and why? Use the fait-accompli technique by couching requests as statements," says Frankel. "Separate being liked and getting what you deserve - they're not mutually exclusive."

But before putting these and other recommended tactics (contained within Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office) into practice, Frankel recommends women learn how to use them and recognise what purpose a behavioural change will serve. Above all, she wants working females to believe that (many of) the mistakes preventing them from reaching their career potential have less to do with their own stupidity or incompetence.

She says they're simply acting in ways consistent with their social conditioning. "Beyond girlhood, no one ever tells us that acting differently is an option. Whether it's because we're unaware of the alternatives - we often fail to develop a repertoire of women-appropriate behaviours."

Steps to advancement

* Grant yourself permission to move from girlhood to womanhood.
* Visualise yourself as you want to be.
* Replace the fearful voice inside you with new messages.
* Shield yourself from the negativity of others.
* Define what you want others to say about you and follow up with actions to make it happen.
* Constructively challenge those who resist your efforts to be direct and empowered.
* Ask a trusted friend for feedback on whether your behavioural change is appropriate.
* Instead of engaging in lots of behaviour changes simultaneously - tackle just one at a time.

* Source: Lois Frankel
* Nice Girls Don't Get The Corner Office retails at $24.99 and is available from book shops.