The hit TV show Thunderbirds could have been set in Cairns. Any one of the surrounding mountains could double as International Rescue's hideout. Alternatively, any Bond villain could set up a pretty sweet lair, no sweat.
Flying into Cairns must be a nightmare for pilots - who knows when the top of a hill could open up like a super-deluxe rainforest garage door and spit out a rocket?
Cairns is the home of Coral Expeditions, a company that has been around for 32 years, taking guests to the Great Barrier Reef and beyond.
Coral Expeditions is the only cruise operator offering year-round multi-night cruises to the World Heritage-listed reef.
The Coral Princess II is a 35m catamaran that holds a maximum of 44 passengers, and has a large upper deck perfect for lounging on in downtime.
Any childhood dreams I had of looting and piracy were swiftly dashed as sea sickness took over.
As I found myself on my bathroom floor, plotting how a rescue chopper could land on the deck (there's no way it could, I would have needed a sea plane for sure) and take me back to dry land, I realised I wouldn't wish how I felt on my worst enemy.
Pre-emptive medications assist people who have an inkling they may get a little green around the gills and I would suggest making the investment.
Seasickness aside, spending four days on and around the Great Barrier Reef by boat is the perfect way to experience the natural wonder. Coral Princess II cabins are small, but the upper-deck stateroom I was in could comfortably fit two.
The ship has a staff of 12, including a dive instructor, a marine biologist and a very clever skipper. Out on the water they share their knowledge about fish, coral, eco systems and of course, sailing and diving safety.
Coral Princess isn't a huge ship, so after two hours at sea the staff know your name and your favourite drink and you feel like one of the gang - without doing all the work they have to. Plus it's incredibly educational.
Sitting around 24-hour buffet tables watching movies like passengers on some large cruise ships do simply isn't an option - sitting around chatting to the ship's engineer while floating past one of the largest living things on Earth, waiting for the chef to cook up a gourmet extravagance for breakfast, is.
The cruise itself is kid-friendly, mother/daughter-friendly, honeymooner-friendly - as long as travellers are interested in adventures and marine life.
On each day of a four-day Pelorus Island tour, the ship stops for snorkelling trips, dives and glass-bottom boat tours of underwater kingdoms such as Thetford Reef and Nathan Reef, where the water is a clear turquoise and the fish stand out in stark yellows and stripes, flitting in the currents among soft and hard corals.
More than 400 varieties of coral inhabit the area and learning about the reef's natural hierarchies and eco-systems before taking a dip was fascinating.
Heading up the smooth Hinchinbrook Channel for an hour or so before breakfast one morning, I settled down at the stern to look for crocodiles with Foxy, the ship's engineer, while the other passengers listened to crew member Kristy explain mangroves.
Because there's nothing I appreciate more than no small-talk, Foxy was the perfect companion as we had brief chats about our adventures and how the vessel was faring that morning. In between comfortable silences, we admired the scope of the jungle and waters between us and the mainland.
Later on in the trip, I was sitting with the captain as he steered the Coral Princess II over the sand bars of Halifax Bay beside the Lucinda sugar terminal. Sugarcane is a huge industry in this part of the world, and the infrastructure has been built to match.
The jetty for the sugar-loading conveyor belt is the longest in the world at 5.6km, and dips 1.2m depending on the lay of the seabed.
It takes 22 minutes for sugar to travel the length of the jetty to load on to the ships and from the water it seemed to be never-ending in length.
Coral Expeditions has a 99-year lease for Pelorus Island, a haven on which caretakers Paul and Jenny have lived on for 17 years, their bliss only disturbed when the boat drops by once a week.
When we showed up, Captain Josh prepared a true-blue Aussie barbecue on the beach and I snacked on kangaroo and snags, dozed in the water and got sand stuck all over my sunscreen-covered legs. It was paradise.
A final stop at Fitzroy Island before heading back to Cairns was a special opportunity to visit the turtle rehab centre. Getting up close and personal with these little guys (actually quite big sea turtles that can bite off fingers) as they snacked on lettuce was such a treat and it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to see first-hand the incredible research and rescue work of the volunteers at the Cairns Turtle Rehab Centre.
Ferries run to Fitzroy Island, so the beach was less deserted than the islands and moorings my fellow passengers and I had grown used to, but still incredibly beautiful, and a ferry trip is worth doing for the day from Cairns.
Bidding farewell to my dedicated crew-friends as we cruised back into sunny Cairns harbour, I realised I had a tonne of new knowledge under my belt.
Cruising the reef is something that should be on everyone's bucket list, even if you need several buckets while you're waiting for your sea legs.
GETTING THERE
Air New Zealand flies weekly from Auckland to Cairns non-stop between April and October. One-way Economy Class fares start from $342.
DETAILS
The three-night Cairns-to-Pelorus-Island cruise on Coral Princess II departs Fridays at 11am. Prices start from $1716, twin-share. coralprincess.com.au
ONLINE
The teenager was last seen at the LynnMall Shopping Centre in West Auckland on Wednesday.