Paula Bennett: Marama Davidson should apologise to white cis men and those who are offended on their behalf

Marama Davidson says she wasn’t clear in her comments about 'white cis men who cause violence in the world'; well, apologise for them, says Paul Bennett. Photo / Mark Mitchell

We have all said things in the heat of the moment that we didn’t mean or regret. We learn to apologise unreservedly to those we have offended, live through the embarrassment and move on. Unless we did really mean it, then we make excuses and over-explain.

Marama Davidson made the comment that “it’s white cis men who cause violence in the world” at the Posie Parker protest last weekend. Davidson has said that she wasn’t as clear in her comments as she should have been as she had just been struck by a motorcycle and was still in shock.

However, the comments were made quite a while after she had been struck by the handlebars of a motorcycle and after she had been filmed jumping around and dancing at the protest. But let’s take her at her word that she wasn’t clear in her comments. Well, it’s simple, apologise.

Don’t just apologise to white cis men. Apologise to their mothers and sisters and friends who are offended on their behalf. Just last week I wrote about our boys and men who have higher suicide rates than females and are less likely to seek help for mental health. When a minister of the Crown marginalises and demeans our men in a gross generalisation it is no wonder that they hide their struggles.

It’s like she expects them to apologise for being white men. I think she did mean it and in her “shock,” she said what she really meant. The fact that instead of apologising she justified that men are the cause of much violence and tried to over-explain shows a complete lack of remorse about the harm her comments could cause.

Davidson believes it is her role to highlight the structures of power that are behind the drivers of violence. By all means, let’s talk about the drivers of violence. Let’s support and empower victims in every way we possibly can. But let’s not do it by sending a message to our white men that they are dangerous and violent.

Let’s instead tell them that they are loved. That in this great nation of New Zealand we can support and believe in each other and show respect and understanding. Davidson in her position of power could be helping to pull us together, instead of dividing us. She rightly expects and demands understanding for women and trans and victims of misinformation. She should be leading by example. She should apologise.

Paula Bennett is a former Deputy Prime Minister and National Party politician who now works at Bayleys Real Estate as national director-customer engagement.