Paula Bennett: Keep up the fight, you are not alone

Even babies know chaos and are constantly in fight mode, They are developing resilience, as our flood and quake victims must too - with help. Photo / 123rf

OPINION:

Are some people born with more resilience than others? If you have had your livelihood destroyed in the last few weeks or lost a loved one and have taken a few minutes out to read this, are you groaning out loud because you hate the word?

I was in Christchurch this week and, as another year ticks over since the destruction caused by the earthquakes, I remember the people there and the word resilient being thrown around a lot. They grew to hate it. “Barely coping” was how most of them felt.

Now we are talking about resilient communities. Shut off with little or no help, pulling together and doing the best they can. They are resilient. They are being tested in a way that no one deserves but, when I think about the people of Piha, I know they won’t let anything pull them down.

You are born with natural resilience. Then a whole lot of life happens that either builds it or knocks it around. Those early years of how stable your environment is are the most important. As a baby’s brain develops, how they are nurtured and cared for makes the biggest difference to their cognitive development.

Think about the difference between the baby who is warm, who cries in hunger and has its needs met. Who gets affection and is nurtured and loved. Then imagine the one born into a home with severe poverty and/or family harm and/or substance abuse. The parent who doesn’t even know they are “barely coping” and may be doing their best, but just doesn’t have the means or ability to provide what is needed.

As all the little neurons in that baby’s brain are trying to connect. Even at that age they know chaos and are constantly in fight mode. You may argue that they develop more resilience. They have to, for survival, but when they are so little, the opposite is true.

You can build resilience, either through it being tested and later on you marvel at your ability to get through, or through a concerted effort of caring for your body and soul. The weeks and even months after events like the Canterbury earthquakes and our recent weather events can be the toughest.

The adrenalin subsides and utter exhaustion takes its place. Anger, frustration and the unfairness of it all are normal reactions. Living in crowded conditions or someone else’s house when you are used to your own can take its toll.

I am not an expert but there are good people out there who are. Talk to them. Talk to friends. Find some moments of joy. Know that you are resilient, even if you’re hacked off at being told that. Know that you are not alone.

Paula Bennett is a former Deputy Prime Minister and National Party politician who now works at Bayleys Real Estate as national director-customer engagement.