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Home / New Zealand

Parents, library users split as controversial book ‘Welcome to Sex’ hits shelves in New Zealand

Melissa Nightingale
By Melissa Nightingale
Senior Reporter, NZ Herald - Wellington·NZ Herald·
30 Jul, 2023 05:09 AM5 mins to read

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'Welcome to Sex: Your no-silly-questions guide to sexuality, pleasure and figuring it out' by Dr Melissa Kang and Yumi Stynes.

'Welcome to Sex: Your no-silly-questions guide to sexuality, pleasure and figuring it out' by Dr Melissa Kang and Yumi Stynes.

Warning: This article contains brief descriptions of sexual acts, which may offend some readers.

A controversial new sex education book for teenagers that had to be pulled from shelves in Australia is making waves after hitting New Zealand libraries.

Library-goers and parents are divided on the book, Welcome to Sex: Your no-silly-questions guide to sexuality, pleasure and figuring it out, by former Dolly Doctor and youth health expert Dr Melissa Kang and TV personality Yumi Stynes.

The book traverses everything from consent and sexuality to sexual positions, pleasure and information on sex acts such as oral sex, “fingering” and “scissoring”.

Some viewed it as a safe and important resource for teens, and others said it was too graphic and inappropriate.

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But a former Hutt City Council children’s librarian said it was not the library’s role to choose what was controversial, and it was up to parents to take responsibility over what their children were reading.

The book, the latest in a series focusing on youth sexual health, consent and sex, sparked angry comments on social media this week from one Lower Hutt resident.

“Did the purchaser at Lower Hutt Library actually view the Welcome to Sex book that they’ve now purchased for the libraries? Were they taken in by the cutesy colour and juvenile illustrations of fruit and vegetables on the front cover?” the poster asked on Facebook.

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They said the book had illustrations and information about numerous sex acts and was marketed to teens aged 11-14.

“The author is also happy for a ‘mature 8-year-old to view it’. The marketing blurb says it will make sex fun and will help readers ‘navigate their sexual debut with confidence’.

“Well, I can’t think of any 8-12-year-olds I know, particularly the young girls, who need this info, or to stumble across it in the library.”

The poster said they were concerned the cover of the book did not allude to the content in any way, and felt the book did not include enough information on the physical risks of some of the sex acts mentioned.

The book, by Yumi Stynes (left) and Dr Melissa Kang, traverses everything from consent and sexuality to sexual positions, pleasure and information on sex acts.
The book, by Yumi Stynes (left) and Dr Melissa Kang, traverses everything from consent and sexuality to sexual positions, pleasure and information on sex acts.

The book has already caused heavy debate in Australia, with retailer Big W forced to remove it from shelves after staff members began receiving abuse from members of the public.

The retailer is continuing to sell the book online.

Co-author Stynes told SBS News she’d received death threats over the book, but did not regret writing it.

“The book is out there in the world and I make no apologies for the book,” Stynes said. “I am very proud of it.”

She said the book was a better resource than “the unbridled infiniteness of the internet”.

“It’s not going to hurt a kid to hear about sex, and anyone who’s had a kid or spent time with them understands that they have a huge curiosity about sex when they’re ready.”

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Former Hutt librarian Chantel Keith said she remembered when a small group campaigned to have the Harry Potter books removed from libraries.

“I have personally had parents ask for a book that spoke negatively on Donald Trump to be removed. Once you start removing things, where do you stop?” Keith said.

“Sex books are available throughout the library, so if someone wants to find a book with this content, they will.”

The New Zealand Pregnancy Book even had a whole chapter on the best sexual positions to bring on labour or for sex with a large belly “that tweens used to love to have a giggle about”.

“A librarian is not a parent. If someone is concerned about the kind of reading material their child has access to it, is their responsibility to ensure they are taking an active role selecting the material their child reads.”

Keith also said the book selection process for libraries was usually automated and it was up to the publishers to give the book an age rating.

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One commenter on Facebook said she was a mum with an open mind, but thought the book was too much.

She said the target audience wasn’t “even at the age of consent”, and while she normally agreed that being informed was good, she believed the book bordered on “grooming”.

Another commenter said it was “totally disgusting and disturbing” and was not appropriate for children.

But another woman, Hollie Hubbert, told the Herald she thought it was “amazing” young people could access the book at the library and find information they might not be comfortable talking to their parents about.

“Children should have knowledge about sex and consent.

“People claiming that it is borderline grooming is disgusting as that’s not what grooming is, as grooming seeks to form a relationship with a child - manipulating, exploiting and abusing them - when this is not what this book is about.”

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The book provided a “clear and simple dictionary” that was safe for children to learn from “without being brainwashed by the porn shared by friends or random internet forum posts”.

The book is also being stocked in libraries around New Zealand, including in the main centres.

Hutt City Council was unable to comment today, wanting first to research the book and seek advice from the Library and Information Association of New Zealand (Lianza).

Lianza was also unable to provide comment by deadline.

The publisher, Hardie Grant, has been contacted for comment.

Melissa Nightingale is a Wellington-based reporter who covers crime, justice and news in the capital. She joined the Herald in 2016 and has worked as a journalist for 10 years.

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