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Home / New Zealand

Not for Sale: 'My mother and father taught me to be bold' - Sania, 12, blocks friend's early marriage

By Kerre McIvor
Herald on Sunday·
29 Sep, 2018 04:00 PM3 mins to read

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When Sania was 12 years old, her friend Munni came to her and told her she was in trouble. Two years older than Sania, Munni’s parents had arranged for her to be married off to a boy in another state.
Not for sale

When Sania* was 12, her friend Munni came to her and told her she was in trouble.

Munni was two years older than Sania. Her parents had arranged for her to be married to a boy in another state. They were very poor and the longer they let her live at home, the more they would have to pay as a dowry to a prospective groom's family.

The solution, as they saw it, was to marry off their daughter at 14. There was only a small dowry to pay and one less mouth to feed at home.

Child marriage is illegal in India. So is the payment of dowries, which can be financially ruinous for families. But in small communities where things have been done a certain way for generations, it takes more than Parliament passing a piece of legislation for customs and practices to change.

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Munni was to be married to a boy from Rajasthan she had never met and that was that. Sania was outraged. Child marriage, she said, ruins a girl's life and she wasn't about to let that happen to her friend.

Munni told her she was terrified about becoming someone's wife. She was scared about living in another house and terrified about how her new family would treat her. She felt sure her mother-in-law would beat her and said she was too young to cope with that.

Sania, 15, helped stop the marriage of her friend Munni. Photo / Mike Scott
Sania, 15, helped stop the marriage of her friend Munni. Photo / Mike Scott

Sania was determined to save her friend. She decided she would report the marriage to the authorities - to anyone who would listen. She's a fabulous feisty wee thing. As she recounted to me the events of two years past, her voice grew stronger and more strident and she used her hands for extra emphasis.

"Weren't you scared?" I asked her. "Weren't you afraid that someone might punish you for interfering?"

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"No", Sania replied emphatically. "I don't get scared of things like that. If I did, I would never do anything in my life." She raises her head and adjusts her scarf. "My mother and father taught me to be bold, to front up to every situation I face."

And Sania was true to her word. She went to the local men's group, which is trying to change the community's sexist attitude towards girls and women and halt the practice of child marriage. She told the men what was about to happen and asked them to talk to Munni's parents and prevent the marriage taking place.

The men did that, but the parents refused to listen. They were adamant Munni was their child and they could make their own decisions about her future. The men were forced to call in the police and though the marriage was stopped, there was a lot of ill feeling in the community for a while.

Sania was sanguine about the fallout.

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"A lot of people spoke against me but I knew I shouldn't listen to them, so I let it go in one ear and out the other. Friendship means to be there for your friends in times of need."

Two years since the child marriage was stopped, Munni is still in school with the help and support of the men's group and Sania is very happy with the role she played in protecting her friend.

She says she wants to be a singer when she leaves school, but I reckon her talents would be better served on a political stage. This is one young woman who is going places.

* names have been changed

• To donate to the Not for Sale campaign go to World Vision

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