Niva 4WD: Whole Lada love and laughs

Despite a rigorous drive programme in the off-road arena at the 1995 Auckland motor show, this Niva failed to break down. Photo / File

The re-release of the Niva sees cyberspace come alive with time-tested quips.

Seems you can't keep the Russian Lada down. The Niva 4WD has been reintroduced to the UK after a gap of 15 years.

Brilliant in concept but wickedly unreliable and rust-prone, the Niva has been in production since 1977 with only minor changes, but departed most Western markets in the 1990s.

Its reintroduction has been marked by mainly derisive news items and test reports, fuelled partly by the snow plough on its options list. "Why would you carry a snow plough on a Lada?" So the rescue vehicle can plough a track out.

The butt of so many jokes, Nivas and Lada cars once had a reasonable following in New Zealand.

Canterbury enthusiasts even formed a club, the South Island Niva Drivers' Association (Sinda). The club survived much longer than most of the vehicles its members drove. "How long does the average Sinda trip last?" Depends on how soon the breakdown trucks can get to them.

Despite its reappearance in Britain and some other overseas markets, it's unlikely we'll see the Niva, or any other Ladas, back in New Zealand, where they would have to compete with used Japanese imports. Anyway, with all those Lada jokes in circulation, it would take a thick-skinned shopper to buy one. Driven just scrapes the surface with the following examples:

Man runs into service station: "Will you give me a set of wiper blades for my Niva?" "Sounds like a fair trade to me, mate."

How do you double the value of a Lada? Fill its petrol tank.

What do you call a Lada at the top of a hill? A miracle.

What's the difference between a door-to-door salesman and a Lada? You can shut the door on the salesman.

What's the difference between a Lada and a golf ball? You can drive a golf ball 200m.

Don't forget the Lada emergency get-you-home kit: walking boots and a map.

How do you make a policeman laugh? Tell him your Lada's been stolen.

What do you call a report that your Lada has been stolen? Great news.

Three definitions of an optimist: the owner of a Lada with an alarm; the owner of a Lada with a radar detector; the owner of a Lada with a trailer hitch.

Why do Ladas have heated rear windows? To keep your hands warm while you push it.