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Home / New Zealand

Local Focus: Breaking the silence - real talk

Delilah Whaitiri
By Delilah Whaitiri
Video Journalist, Rotorua, NZH Local Focus ·NZ Herald·
4 May, 2022 03:52 AM4 mins to read

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Constance Ready, formerly of Gloriavale, is among inspirational Real Talk speakers sharing their real-life stories in Rotorua.

Real Talk brings together people from all walks of life to share unique and challenging life stories.

It provides a safe and comfortable environment, inspiring people through the power of storytelling.

Constance Ready will be speaking at the next Rotorua Real Talk on May 14.

The event will feature younger speakers and will be free for rangatahi.

"It doesn't matter where you've come from, what you've lived through, what experiences you've kind of had in your life," she said.

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"You still get to decide what quality of life you want to have.

"You still get to decide who you want to be, and what you want to create."

Ready escaped the South Island fundamentalist Christian community of Gloriavale at the age of 23.

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Her decision inspired siblings to also leave, a move that can result in being shunned by the community.

"I think there's so much power in people sharing their stories," Ready said.

"There is a lot of disconnection between whanau, friends, cultural disconnections, family value disconnection, and I think it's just really important to be sharing our stories.

"It bridges those gaps.

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"We can give power to others by sharing the experiences that we've been through.

It has been almost six years since Ready left Gloriavale and now she is now a mother of two.

She will share how her children aided her healing journey.

"I really just saw myself as a child through them," she said.

"The main thing I didn't want them to have to experience was anything that I went through."

She said she wanted to make sure she wasn't unknowingly inflicting harm on her children.

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"I didn't want them to be at the age I was - as a 24-year-old - and trying to figure out how do I cope with big emotions.

"How do I process the trauma triggers that I have?

"How do I work through this as an adult?

Ready wants to encourage other young people dealing with abuse to not be afraid to speak out.

"They try to put all these other stories on you, that you feel like, well nobody else said anything.

"Nobody else stood up, everyone else just kind of got on with their lives.

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"Don't let the voices of those around you silence your own.

"Really believe in yourself, and that your voice is worth being heard.

"You are worth being listening to.

"Don't allow other people to take away from your experiences.

"You lived them - you experienced them.

"You know the pain.

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"You know what you suffered."

Ready hoped young people hearing her story would value their intuition.

"Listen to those little voices. They are the guiding voices of our tīpuna telling you what you need to do.

"I think that is the space of having the most courage when you're surrounded in an environment that everyone wants to shoosh you, silence you, normalise the abuse or whatever it is that you've experienced.

"It's having that courage to be like, 'No, I know what happened to me'.

"I know what I've lived through and I'm not going to let all this other noise around me take away from these experiences."

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MC and rangatahi coach Ariana Grant said Real Talk shifted perspectives about tāngata Māori "allowing them to see that there are challenges that we are going to face in life and that we have the ability to be able to persist and be resilient".

"Also to allow ourselves to perceive these challenges as something that is enabling us to become closer to who we need to be - enabling us to fulfil our purpose - and to find peace in the things that may be caused a lot of strife in our lives."

She said it could help others heal "and maybe that means that I have a purpose and that I can do big things in this world".

"I think that's the beautiful thing about the essence of Real Talk," she said.

Grant said Real Talk's focus was on bringing people together for positive outcomes.

"They are serious topics but we also get to have fun and we get to really enjoy each other's company and share kai together and meet some incredible people."

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Where to go for help or more information
• Women's Refuge: Free national crisis line operates 24/7 - 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843

• Shine, free national helpline 9am-11pm every day - 0508 744 633

• Youthline Free call 0800 376 633 | Free text 234

• LIFELINE 0800 543 354 or send a text to HELP (4357) for free, 24/7

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