GRAPHIC CONTENT WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS DETAILS WHICH READERS MIGHT FIND UPSETTING
A grieving father shattered at the murder of his 24-year-old son told Tarrant he can never forgive him.
Tariq Omar was killed at Al Noor Mosque on March 15 last year but it took his father Rashid Omar a long time to hear the news a parent never wants to hear.
After Tariq's name was read aloud as one of the dead at the hospital, Rashid Bin Omar tried to stay strong for his family.
But today, as he stood in the High Court in Christchurch to face his son's killer, he admitted breaking down.
"I was hurting too much inside," he said, speaking of the loss of his "baby Tariq".
"As a parent, they will be your babies forever."
Tariq's mother Rosemary Omar dropped him at Al Noor that fateful day.
She was parking her car when he was shot dead.
The death of her oldest child was tragic, sudden and had a profound effect on her.
"I have had to cope with his loss on a daily basis… I've had to live and function sometimes from moment to moment… I feel there's a permanent shadow cast over our family," she said.
"The loss and grief is so debilitating."
Rashid Omar said his son's death took a huge toll on him.
He couldn't function properly for a long time and found he couldn't work safely.
Some days, he sat in the work car park for hours waiting for the hours to pass.
Now, he sleeps poorly and every morning wonders how he's going to get through the day.
"You took something away from me and it's changed my life forever," he said.
Rashid Omar said the gunman's actions failed to spread hatred or create divisions in society, but resulted in the nation coming closer together and made the world more aware of the Muslim religion.
He accepted he might never find out why Tarrant acted as he did – and why he killed many innocent people, including his son Tariq.
But he knows that he will never be able to hug his son again or tell him face-to-face how much he loved him, although he says he will live on through happy family memories.
"This cannot ever be taken away," he said.
"I know Allah is looking after Tariq. I know one day we will all be together gain. For now this is how life will be for me. I will wait longingly each day to see Tariq again. We will be a family again together."
He added that he would like to think the killer will one day find peace within himself, but told him: "I will never be able to forgive you."
The devastated parents spoke of the tragedy breaking their family.
It was hard to see her other children battle, Rosemary Omar said, and it was "incredibly sad" not to be able to fix them.
She had issues with her memory and had been diagnosed with amnesia.
"It's like I am broken, and I see my family is broken," she said.
"I worry and wonder if my family will ever be safe… I have to endure this worry in my life now, I feel like I am in a dark place.
"I don't know if I will ever feel like I used to… I can't grasp this feeling of premature loss."
She said she has isolated herself and could not even go to her usual supermarket.
"I don't like being in public and I don't like being noticed… my car has become a traumatic memory place for me," she said.
"I feel really uneasy there, I'm always on watch searching around for threats."
She has also been diagnosed with PTSD and suffered flashbacks.
She often thought of the things she would never see him accomplish which made her even more sad.
"I'm never going to see Tariq as a dad… Tariq would have been a really good uncle, he would have been a really good father," she said.
"He was so patient, he was so kind, he was very clever and I was very proud of him and still am.
"I'm so proud to have him as my son."
She focused on his life and achievements rather than his horrendous death.
"Whatever gave the offender the right to take Tariq's life away… this monster had no right to take my son's life," she said.
Omar's sister Qariah said she was there to speak to Tarrant for her "little brother".
"My heart will never heal… I am still suffering every day from this," she said.
"This was a truly impersonal act of hate. The offender has acted with a disgusting act of terrorism, I hope he sees out the rest of his day in a confined space… It both angers and disgusts me that the offender was able to lay eyes on my little brother, let alone take away his life."