He was found not guilty of multiple other accusations that included strangulation, threatening to kill her and punching her ear.
The trial related to alleged interactions and assaults between the pair in late 2022 and late 2023.
The prosecution argued the man physically and psychologically abused the complainant, whereas the defence said the woman, aged 28, initiated the aggression and he only used force in self-defence.
Auckland District Court Judge Simon Lance today said while he had sympathy for the man, he did not believe the consequences of a conviction being entered were out of proportion.
The man had submitted he had suffered a significant financial impact from the charges.
“I’m not convinced that there are further consequences that occur on top of what has already happened,” Judge Lance said.
The judge accepted that the offending occurred in the context of what the defence described as a “toxic relationship” and it certainly wasn’t “one way traffic”.
He said the man had been acquitted of nine out of the 11 charges, including the more serious allegations.
“I do think that more than likely the jury convicted you on the basis that the actions were excessive self-defence.”
In a victim impact statement, read by Judge Lance, the woman said she had suffered injuries including to her arm and head.
She said she had been left with “significant emotional distress” as a result and had missed days at work.
The victim had supported the man’s application for name suppression as she did not want to be identified.
Gray said the relationship took a heavy toll on his career and his financial situation.
“This offending does not relate to his work at all, which would be seriously impacted if he were not to receive permanent name suppression.”
She pointed to the “numerous” steps the man had taken to prevent the behaviour from repeating again, including undertaking an anger management course and Tai Chi.
Prosecutor Emma Barnes said it would be inappropriate to give the man a discount for good character given his previous family violence convictions.
She submitted that the consequences he claimed would occur as a result of a conviction have already happened.
Barnes noted that a letter from an Auckland venue stating they could not re-hire him if the convictions were entered was a personal decision for them, and nothing was legally preventing them from doing so.
The jury last month heard evidence from both the complainant and the defendant – each of whom alleged the other initiated physical aggression and had been controlling over social media.
The complainant claimed the musician first strangled her when they were on a trip to Bali after she posted a bikini photo on Instagram.
“He grabbed me by the neck, and I think he jammed my arm in the door and I hit my head on the door frame and I scratched him at some point during this,” she said.
“I was scared.”
During the relationship, she said she felt there was an unfair power dynamic between the pair because of his job and because he was more than 20 years her senior.
She said his role as a musician impacted their relationship.
“He would always tie [his successful music career] in with, ‘You’ll never do better than me’.”
Katie Harris is an Auckland-based journalist who covers social issues including sexual assault, workplace misconduct, media, crime and justice. She joined the Herald in 2020.
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