Mothers' Network offers a helping word to stay a person

CATHERINE MASTERS reports on a new NZ support network that assists women who feel they may be losing their own identity.

Babies, babies, babies. They are all new mothers ever talk about. Teething, breastfeeding, vomit, diarrhoea ...

Lost among the nappies and anti-rash creams, new mothers can feel like they no longer have an identity of their own.

Enter the Mothers' Network (incorporating New Mother Support Groups), a New Zealand support organisation offering mothers the chance to talk to other mothers about themselves without focusing solely on the child.

On offer are discussion groups for new mothers (mothers of children aged up to 2) and a just-launched preschooler mothers discussion group.

They are not advice groups but offer women an opportunity to meet in a non-judgmental environment where they can share experiences and feelings about themselves and what they are going through.

National coordinator Vivienne Pincott says: "As a group we don't offer parenting skills or advice; rather, we allow women to talk about their own experiences with their peers and to gain back some self-esteem."

A mother of a new baby often has a range of professionals telling her how to do things, so much so that she ends up totally confused and possibly guilty if, for example, she finds it difficult to breastfeed.

A range of topics are given but women can add to the list if they have other issues they want to discuss.

"Some of them might be the hassles and joys of being a mother ... dealing with practical situations, coping with tiredness, that sort of thing.

"We also move on to things like body image and sexuality and I know that women don't really get an opportunity to talk about issues like that."

Body image and sexuality are extremely important topics to women, Ms Pincott says.

"Because a lot of things change, how you view yourself can also change over a period of time too.

"That is particularly so if you are experiencing some difficult situations, whether it's a change in balance with your partner or your child, or you may be in a situation that you've got a split family as well - your partner might have children as well. So there are all sorts of different situations there."

She says the discussion groups are unique because they focus on the woman, rather than talking about the child.

"So it provides an opportunity to go beyond superficial chat, which can often happen."

It is a relief for women to be able to do this, she says.

"You can get a bit lost in it all, the mothering side of it.

"You can perhaps lose your own identity in it. A lot of it is really joyful - but also quite repetitive."

The preschool discussion group has just been set up and is for women with children in the 2 to 5-year-old age group.

These mothers still need the opportunity to meet and make lasting friendships with other women, which is what the organisation is all about, says Ms Pincott.

"Some of the topics they have would be to work outside the home or not.

"There is insidious pressure at work here because if you are an at-home mum, there's often the questions of when are you going back to work."

These women might want to discuss their own feelings as the child nears school age and "past the nappy stage - do I ever want to repeat it?"

Ms Pincott says the organisation has been going for 22 years and gets many inquiries from overseas, usually the United States, where there does not seem to be similar groups on offer.

Different issues for different ages


Each Mothers' Network group focuses on the experience of mothers with children in a specific age group. If your child is outside the age ranges, but you would like to try a group, talk to the network.

New Mother Support Groups: These are for women with a child or children aged up to two. Topics discussed include the hassles and joys of being a mother, coping with tiredness, practical situations and goals.

Pre-Schoolers' Mothers Discussion Groups: For women with a child or children aged from two to five years. Discussion topics for these groups can include subjects such as: whether to work outside the home; being calm and confident in your discipline choices; your feelings as your child nears school age and gets past the nappy stage (do you ever want to repeat it?)

New Mother