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“I was pleased to hear… it was a genuine problem, it wasn’t just my imagination, and it wasn’t just me,” says Carol Hudson, recalling the moment she learnt her teenaged adopted son, Gary, had fetal alcohol spectrum disorder (FASD).
The Tauranga retiree felt an immense sense of reliefwhen she received the diagnosis.
She said she had known from the moment she adopted the 3-month-old that something was not quite right.
He was not like her other adopted child, whom she had taken in four years earlier.
Tauranga retiree Carol Hudson with photos of her adopted son Gary from his childhood. Photo / Brydie Thompson
Baby Gary was restless, and as he grew older, he became violent and displayed “abnormal” behaviours.
Now 44, he lives on the streets of Auckland. Hudson prays he will return home someday so she can take care of him.
“He’s a survivor,” she said.
She has shared the story of her experience raising Gary with his permission, so others can better understand FASD and its implications for the affected child and their family.
Te Whatu Ora Health NZ describes FASD as a neurodevelopmental disorder caused by exposure to alcohol before birth. In some cases, it can happen before a mother knows she is pregnant.
It can cause lifelong behavioural, learning and intellectual problems. Impairment varies based on how much alcohol was consumed and during what stages of development.
International data suggests about 1800-3000 babies may be born with the disorder each year in New Zealand.
Gary was diagnosed with FASD at age 16.
When Hudson learned of the diagnosis, she burst into tears. For her, it was confirmation his behaviour was not a result of her parenting.
“You hear of kids who are traumatised by their parents, and it affects them for the rest of their lives.”
Tauranga retiree Carol Hudson with photos of Gary from his childhood. Photo / Brydie Thompson
She had wracked her brains trying to understand what drove his behaviour.
“I just despaired at times and my husband couldn’t handle it either.”
She said when Gary was a child, “consequences didn’t matter to him at all”.
The family had a chip heater, similar to a fireplace that heated water. The ashes from the heater would fall into a tray.
She was confused by the incident, as Gary did not cry or seem distressed after his fall.
“He didn’t even get a headache,” she said.
Bullying in school
During school, Gary was bullied constantly.
“They were horrible to him.”
Hudson arranged for Gary to join a special class during intermediate, where he was placed with children who had intellectual and physical disabilities.
“He was doing really well, but the other kids at school were saying, ‘Why is he in a special class? There’s nothing wrong with him.’”
Gary found his birth mother later in life but she did not want anything to do with him, Hudson said.
Push for liquor store warnings
Hudson is on a mission to try to prevent more babies from being affected by alcohol.
She spoke out about her experience to support a push to have FASD warnings in liquor shops.
Carol Hudson at the passing over of the FASD petition from Christopher Ingram to BOP MP Tom Rutherford to be taken to Parliament. Photo / Brydie Thompson
Tauranga man Christopher Ingram started a petition calling for the stores to present a sign on their doors warning pregnant women and their families of the effects of alcohol.
This petition was taken to Parliament by Bay of Plenty MP Tom Rutherford before being read out and passed on to select committee.
“I’ll be glad when I see all those signs up in all the alcohol shops,” Hudson said.
