Mother glad she told Alex's story

Deanne Teka

Putaruru mother Deanne Teka is exhausted and overwhelmed by a week in which the attention of New Zealand has zeroed in on her intensely personal loss.

The Weekend Herald last week revealed the story behind her 12-year-old daughter Alex, a girl who was mercilessly bullied by text messages from schoolmates before she died.

It is clear that the ugly combination of sinister text messaging and teen bullying touched a raw nerve throughout the country.

"I was in the supermarket this week and people just came up and hugged me," Ms Teka said yesterday.

The issue has dominated public debate and, encouragingly, words have been followed almost immediately by the first signs of action.

Politicians have sought advice, school principals have highlighted it in assembly, and telecommunications executives prepared agendas on how to better tackle the issue.

Yesterday the Herald revealed a directive from Education Minister Steve Maharey that the Education Review Office would begin rating schools on how they handled playground bullying.

"It's just so good to hear, it makes me feel good about what I've done, it makes me feel good about this being public knowledge and telling Alex's story," Ms Teka said.

"It's good that people are taking this seriously. Bullying may well have always been part of growing up but that doesn't make it acceptable. It is so much easier now - bullies don't even have to look you in the eye while they say these things."

She feels the past week has helped to ease the pain of losing Alex. "But the grieving process is so unpredictable, one minute you're up, next minute you're down."

The publicity had not been about retaliation or pointing the finger, Ms Teka said.

She did not want the bullies being identified.

Some of them had come from good backgrounds and others not so good, she said.

"I'd probably say to them, 'don't worry, it's okay'. I hate seeing people hurt. I hope that there's support for those kids, so they can get on with having a decent life."

The home phone has "rung off the hook" daily and touching words of support have arrived in the mailbox from strangers.

A taxing television interview left Ms Teka feeling drained on Tuesday and her mother, Noeleen Reid, has screened and managed dozens of other media requests.

Meanwhile, Ms Teka has slowly integrated herself back into her job as a worker in pre-school education.

Alex's mother knew her story would generate some negative reaction.

Some people suggested the split from her husband seven years ago may have had something to do with Alex's torment, rather than the bullying playing any real or significant role in her death.

Ms Teka rejects the theory. Lying awake at 3am on Sunday listening to talkback radio, she felt compelled to address the naivety and ignorance of some callers by phoning the show herself.

"Turning the cellphone off doesn't fix the problem. It's not as simple as that. The message is still there when you turn it back on.

"Like any teenager, Alex was interested in seeing the messages she received - it was natural curiosity for her to read those texts.

"Another thing that disappointed me was that people thought it was somehow the school's fault, and it was dragged through the media."

Bullying was not a problem isolated to Putaruru College alone, she said.

New principal Karen Douglas and several teachers at the school had dealt with an extremely difficult situation very well.

"I'd like to talk to Karen. I somehow feel like I need to apologise, but then I've done nothing wrong.

"My heart goes out to her. On her first day at school she was dealing with this [Alex's death]."