Mother and daughter sentenced to home detention for kidnapping

The mother felt compelled to help rescue her daughter from an abusive relationship after her pleas to the police went unanswered. Photo / 123RF

A woman who hatched a plan to rescue her daughter from an abusive relationship has been sentenced to six months home detention for kidnapping.

The mother - who cannot be named for legal reasons and has never been in trouble with the law before - says she felt compelled to help her daughter after her pleas to the police went unanswered.

But what started as a rescue spiralled into violence and has ended with five people before the courts.

The mother and daughter have been sentenced to home detention for kidnapping and two men they enlisted to help will be sentenced for kidnapping and wounding with intent to cause grievous bodily harm. The kidnapping victim now faces 17 charges relating to violence towards the daughter.

The man has not yet entered a plea but it is alleged he forced her to take drugs, tried to run her over, and on one occasion forced her to dig a hole, which he indicated would be her grave.

The mother told the Weekend Herald she called police several times but was told there was little they could do, which she said illustrated serious issues in the way domestic violence is treated.

"How do they decide which job they will go to help? How do they decide that over the phone? I trusted them, but how stupid was I?" the mother said.

"The police texted my daughter once to say 'let us know you're okay'. But my daughter's partner had control of her phone, and she got a beating for that."

The daughter, now 26, met the kidnapping victim, her former partner, on a dating site in October 2019.

Although at 32 he was older than her, she found him "outgoing, generous, funny, and spontaneous". He told her he worked in the building industry and imported cars.

But he quickly became controlling and cruel towards her, and she discovered he had gang connections and was involved with drugs.

The mother, a business owner and respected member of her community, knew something was wrong the first time she met the man. "He said he was a licensed car dealer but drove a sportscar with different number plates and had an expired warrant of fitness," she said.

Two months into the couple's relationship, the mother noticed her daughter had lost a lot of weight and had become withdrawn.

"Christmas Day was a red flag," she said. "We were having a great time but he didn't like it, so he drove my daughter home at 10pm without saying goodbye.

"My daughter was a mess. She was so thin, her head was bigger than her body and her hair was falling out, she weighed 46kg. We couldn't have reasonable conversations; she couldn't think straight. I asked if she was eating and I found out she would only eat when he told her to."

She begged her daughter to come home but the younger woman was "brainwashed" and terrified about what her partner would do if she left.

The breaking point came when she saw her daughter again and found bruises on the inside of her legs and knees.

"My daughter's life was being threatened so I had to do something," the mother said.

Court documents obtained by the Herald state that in early February 2020, the daughter confided in her mother and said she wanted to leave her partner but feared his reaction would result in violence.

Over the next three months, the mother phoned the police several times asking for help to keep her daughter safe. She was advised that unless her daughter made a complaint, there was nothing she or they could do. Police sent a text to the daughter encouraging her to contact them, but she never did.

One of the mother's employees, also a friend of the daughter, offered to help her. The employee asked a friend from Auckland to help him. The mother and daughter said they never met the friend.

The mother had planned to go on her own, but the employee who had previously met the victim warned her against doing so. The night before, the mother sent a text to a friend saying, "[The employee]'s coming with me, it's his mate that's gunna f*** him up, tie him up."

The mother said the text was in response to her friend inquiring about her daughter's
wellbeing.

"By 'f*** him up', it was to expose the drugs at his house. The 'tie him up' was to ensure my daughter could leave the house," the mother said.

The two women were sentenced in the Auckland District Court this week. Photo / Nick Reed

On February 11, the mother and her employee travelled to Auckland. The plan was that the daughter and her partner would run errands in the morning and, while they were out, the employee and his friend broke into the home of the daughter and victim.

When the victim arrived he was restrained, tied up, and assaulted by the employee and his friend.

The court heard the victim suffered psychological and physical harm. He had multiple facial lacerations, a brain bleed, a fractured wrist, broken teeth and concussion. After the victim was tied up, the two men took two passports that belonged to the man and left the property.

Meanwhile, the daughter gathered her belongings and also left - later calling the police to say she had found the victim beaten and bound.

A caption summary said the man freed himself and was found by police a short distance away staggering, bleeding profusely from the head. He did not know where he was and was unable to tell attending police what had happened.

Sentencing the two women in Auckland District Court this week, Judge Kevin Phillips said he didn't condone the mother "taking the law into her hands" but understood her daughter was in a "distraught" state because of the abuse.

According to the court documents, the mother wanted the victim to be tied up but she didn't condone the level of violence toward him.

She told the Weekend Herald: "It's a double-edged sword. I don't agree with the level of violence and I am sickened by what happened, even though he has traumatised my daughter. The violence wasn't my intention or plan."

Her daughter is now trying to rebuild her life, but says the scars run deep.

"I was waking up each day wanting to kill myself," she told the Weekend Herald.

"I feel I have destroyed my family and have caused so much distress. I truly wish I hadn't said anything. If I was dead then people would believe me. Every day I would think, am I going to make it?"

The two men involved in the case have pleaded guilty and will be sentenced on June 17.

Margaret Fitzgibbon, team leader in family violence education at SHINE, a specialist domestic abuse service provider, says it is extremely difficult for women to leave an abusive relationship.

"We talk about the layers of entrapment. Firstly, there are tactics like limiting their freedom and dignity, their ability to be able to get support, limiting the ability to have their own money, meet up with family and friends, and isolating someone.

"The second layer is people may have received unhelpful responses in the past or sought help and the help was unavailable. There is also judgment around 'why don't people just leave?'

"Thirdly, social inequities to actually go and ask for help is difficult so they're not just entrapped by the abusive person's behaviour but also responses from people. Quite often the abusive person will say, 'no one is going to believe you, no one will help'," Fitzgibbon said.

Her advice to women who want to leave an abusive relationship is to get support from people they trust, and if they need a support person or advocate to contact
the Shine helpline or Women's Refuge.

"We are open 24/7 and have advocates to support women. If they ring the Shine helpline they can refer people to that area."

How to get help

If you're in danger now:
• Phone the police on 111 or ask neighbours or friends to ring for you.
• Run outside and head for where there are other people. Scream for help so your neighbours can hear you.
• Take the children with you. Don't stop to get anything else.
• If you are being abused, remember it's not your fault. Violence is never okay.

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Where to get help:

• Lifeline: 0800 543 354 (available 24/7)
• Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) (available 24/7)
• Youthline: 0800 376 633 or text 234 (available 24/7)
• Kidsline: 0800 543 754 (available 24/7)
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• Depression helpline: 0800 111 757 or text 4202 (available 24/7)
• Anxiety helpline: 0800 269 4389 (0800 ANXIETY) (available 24/7)
• Rainbow Youth: (09) 376 4155
If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111.