More than just a bad day

Justin Evans was almost killed trying to juggle the stress of running an upbeat radio show and a crippling case of depression.
It was just five years ago that the bouncy personality behind MoreFM's afternoon Drive show was curled up and shaking in Palmerston North Hospital's mental health ward, recovering from a suicide attempt.
"Only a few hours before, I was entertaining Manawatu and now here I was in this room with a torch getting shone in my face every half an hour. I remember thinking, I'm an enthusiastic person what the hell am I doing here?"
Now "95 per cent" recovered and hauling in national radio awards, Evans agreed to talk to the Times-Age in the hope his story might help others defeat depression, currently the focus of a national awareness week.
In 2003, Evans was buckling under the pressure of his job at a Palmerston North station and felt powerless in fighting off the demons quickly overcoming him.
"I felt as black as black. In that state, there's no life, no future, everything's negative."
"There were times when I was so bad that when I had just been all bubbly on the air, I'd turn off the microphone and start crying. I was actually in tears."
His bosses had been lenient and left his workplace explosions unchecked until one Saturday afternoon when he walked away from the studio with only silence coming over the airwaves.
It took an hour for his boss to discover what had happened.
"He phoned me at home, but by that stage, I was more in the mood to just jump off a cliff."
The incident led to his being sacked and when his girlfriend left him soon after, he turned to alcohol.
"I went through the whole she-bang. With clinical depression, you don't do things by halves. Anti-depressants, suicide attempts, stays in the mental health ward I've done it all."
The first steps in his recovery were being diagnosed with clinical depression by his GP, undergoing counselling and beginning medication.
"I was fortunate to have some really supportive friends who were there for me 24/7."
Among them was famed shock jock Ian Stables, who has made no secret about his own struggles with Bipolar Disorder.
"He came around a couple of nights after I got fired, sat on my bed and talked it over with me for hours.
"He has been a big influence on my career and to hear it all from him was just huge."
After mustering up enough confidence he got in touch with national radio managers, and he was soon after behind the microphone again.
He has never held back in discussing his depression even with his listeners.
"I went on the air in Palmerston North one day after coming out of the mental ward, and I think my opening line was something like, 'I'm back, and the straight jacket has been removed'."
He believes efforts to raise awareness of depression, including the advertising campaign featuring former All Black John Kirwan, have helped drag the issue out of the shadows.
"Although it's quite hard to explain to people who haven't been there. I don't know if I could really put it into words."
Today he wards off stress by heeding the alarm bells he once ignored and allowing himself regular "alone time".
"Basically I just take time-out. I'm pretty happy in my own company and it's good for me to be myself sometimes.
"I'm proud of the fact I bounced back and managed to get my career back on track. I learned that there really is light at the end of the tunnel."
n Helpful information on depression can be found at the website www.depression.org.nz.