Melanoma: Rotorua’s Elizabeth Pilaar writes book about son Michael’s death

Rotorua mother Elizabeth Pilaar lost her teenage son, Michael Pilaar, to melanoma in 2017. She has self-published a book, 'The Choice is Yours. A Mother’s Journey through Family, Faith and Grief'. Photo / Supplied

Rotorua mother Elizabeth Pilaar faced the ‘unthinkable’ when her 19-year-old son, Michael Pilaar, died from melanoma. In a self-published memoir, Pilaar has written about the unexpected diagnosis and how the family brought ‘the best out of an awful situation’.

Elizabeth and Christian Pilaar have granted $13,500 in music scholarships to Rotorua and Taupō musicians in honour of their late son, Michael - a classical musician who died from melanoma in 2017.

Their decision to establish the Michael Pilaar Memorial Music Fund was just one way they responded to the dark and challenging period following Michael’s death.

Elizabeth Pilaar has written about Michael’s diagnosis and the impacts of his death in her self-published book The Choice is Yours. A Mother’s Journey through Family, Faith and Grief.

Pilaar said she had sold about 250 copies since the book’s release in November, with 10% of proceeds going to Michael’s music fund.

Michael was diagnosed with melanoma at age 17 after his mother raised concerns about a mole on his calf.

He had an operation to remove the cancerous cells and initially thought he was in the clear.

Scans later revealed the cancer had returned. He died in June 2017.

Michael was the eldest child of three.

In 2017, the Pilaars started accruing and investing money for Michael’s fund through the Geyser Community Foundation.

To date, 27 scholarships of $500 have been given to young musicians from Rotorua and Taupō to cover the costs of tuition, instruments and music, travelling to lessons and attending music camps.

Pilaar said it had made “quite a significant difference”, especially for those who felt more encouraged to pursue their music.

“That’s been really heartwarming for us, and I can’t help feel that Michael would be absolutely chuffed by that.”

She said Michael “loved life” and would love to see other people enjoying music.

Pilaar said they held an annual concert in September which helped contribute money to the fund. They held two additional concerts last year.

Musician Michael Pilaar died from melanoma in 2017. Photo / Supplied

Pilaar said the memoir was a “God-inspired and led project” which she began writing in 2022 and finished three and a half years later.

“It was a really emotional journey, and by the end of it, I was well and truly ready to be finished with it.

“I would read over parts talking about Michael’s pain and I would cry every jolly time.”

Part of the reason she wrote it was to share Michael’s story.

“Michael touched a lot of people in his short life and there’s been a lot of people who I felt would’ve liked to know more about his story.

“The other reason is that I firmly believe that while we can’t stop what happens to us in life, we can choose how we respond to those challenges.

“Grief, change and loss is something that everybody experiences ... ”

Rotorua mother Elizabeth Pilaar's book 'The Choice is Yours. A Mother’s Journey through Family, Faith and Grief' was published in November. Photo / Supplied

She wanted to bring hope to people by showing they had “choices” during dark times.

The book also covered her reflections of motherhood, homeschooling, raising a musical, faith-filled family, and the dangers and risk factors of melanoma.

She said MoleMap New Zealand was keen to promote her book, which she found “incredibly humbling”.

Pilaar said the book was available at several Rotorua bookstores and the Rotorua Library.

Melanoma ‘fairly rare’ in young people

MoleMap New Zealand operations manager and MoleMap Australia and New Zealand clinical lead Lara Wild said the company had promoted Pilaar’s book in its latest newsletter.

Wild said melanoma was “fairly rare” in adolescents.

“Michael’s story really reminds us how important it is to check anything that’s different.”

Wild said the Rotorua community consisted of many people who worked outside, played sport and enjoyed spending time in the sun.

“We’re not often very good at remembering to reapply sunscreen and to wear good protective clothing, hats with a brim ... ”

She said Michael’s story was also an important reminder to try to “minimise our own personal risk”.

“Her book outlines a great story around the way families can navigate their way through some horrific times but come out of it with great strength and great courage.”

Megan Wilson is a health and general news reporter for the Bay of Plenty Times and the Rotorua Daily Post. She has been a journalist since 2021.