Matt Heath: Treason the reason for a cracker night

Some Guy died horribly 409 years ago so we can have fun with crackers. Seems like a good deal to me.

Guy Fawkes died a horrible death so we could have loads of fun.

I feel very lucky to live in a country that celebrates Guy Fawkes. There aren't many of such places left left.

On the surface its origins have little to do with modern New Zealand. We all know the story. In 1605, Guy planned to blow up the UK's House of Lords with some gunpowder. He wanted to kill the King and get a Catholic Queen on the throne.

But instead he was caught, arrested and convicted. Then, along with his co-conspirators, condemned to be drawn backwards by horse, have his genitals cut off and burnt before his eyes and his bowel removed along with his heart. Luckily he missed out on most of that by breaking his own neck. But what does all this have to do with us?

The answer is fireworks. Some Guy died horribly 409 years ago so we can have fun with crackers. Seems like a good deal to me.

As a kid Guy Fawkes meant more to me than my birthday and Christmas combined. I would watch in awe as Dad blew up the backyard. Next morning I would collect every spent firework in the neighbourhood and attempt to relive the magic by throwing them off the roof of our house.

I tear up thinking of the good times we had burning Guys. Recently, thanks mainly to the fantastic film V for Vendetta, Guy Fawkes has become a bit of an anti-establishment figure. You see the white smiling mask in all kinds of protests. Back then we burnt him at BBQs because it looked cool.

As a Dad there's nothing more heart warming than lining up a bunch of kids and wowing them with terrifying noises and explosions. It's a nice emotional link with childhood.

When we were little we all sat there wishing we were allowed the matches. Now it's our turn. Which is why I refuse to attend organised firework demonstrations.

Auckland Council's community development and safety committee chairwoman Cath Casey said this week that "Public fireworks displays are a great way to enjoy fireworks." I disagree. What kind of dad lets someone else light the crackers? What's the point in fireworks if you're not the one lighting the fuse?

Some in this country would get rid of fireworks all together. In 1994 they grounded the greatest of them all - the mighty skyrocket. Now we Aucklanders are only allowed to let them off in our own backyard.

But there is good news. Cracker technology has been quietly developing within their draconian laws. The flaming balls are reporting louder than ever, roman candles last for ages and today's top end fountains and cones aren't too bad either. I love those little white light blinders you can get. How do they last so long? How do they burn so brightly?

Last year our crackers were so good the neighbours complained.

Anti-firework campaigners talk of a time when pohas and tomthumbs were being placed in guinea pigs' bums. Did people really do that? I don't know. Either way you can't blame the fireworks or the firework fans. If you're the type of evil person that wants to torture animals you will find a way. People can do a lot more damage with a can of petrol.

Fireworks are safe and fun if you use them right. Everyone knows to put the cat inside and not to look down the barrel to see why one didn't go off. Most people know not to fire them at each other and only an idiot would let them off in the house.

If you're smart fireworks are nothing but a good time. Having said that a friend of mine who has a degree in physics once tried to fire one out of his bare backside. Sadly he got it round the wrong way and badly damaged his arse. The other major complaints come from the good people at The New Zealand Fire Service. They hate crackers. Largely because they can cause fires. They have every right to feel that way. However, in my opinion The Fire Service is there to put out fires. If a society wants to let off crackers every year then that's a firefighter's night to shine.

Don't listen to the hysteria. Fireworks are a treat, not a weapon. They are designed to bring happiness. Sure they carry risks but everything fun does. Personally I would hate to live in a society completely free of danger.

Anti-fireworks campaigners: Stop condemning everyone over the actions of a few. Instead light up a big fat roman candle and then turn round and enjoy the smiles.

I love that we celebrate Guy Fawkes. Long may it continue.

"Remember, remember, the 5th of November. The Gunpowder Treason and plot; I see of no reason why Gunpowder Treason Should ever be forgot."