Matt Heath: Is this really the most divisive election year ever?

My workplace is full of people I look forward to seeing. Photo / Getty Images

OPINION

It’s universally accepted that we New Zealanders are more divided than ever. Everyone has decided to spend election year spitting hate at each other. Social media is a cesspit. There’s no common ground or civility anymore. We are sliding into an abyss of Kiwi-on-Kiwi hatred. Or are we?

When I walk my dog in the real world, people smile, say hello and ask to pat him. There’s no politics in that. I go to the dairy for milk, and the owner is the nicest guy in the world. Zero division there. My workplace is full of people I look forward to seeing. My kids are great, their mother is incredible and my next-door neighbour is a top bloke. The staff at the bar down the road go out of their way to make me feel welcome. The place is packed with groups of friends who have met up to spend time together. Jump in an Uber, and you’re guaranteed an interesting chat with a good person. It doesn’t feel very divided when you are actually out there. It seems to me New Zealanders are hating each other more and more in Parliament and on social and traditional media - but still like each other in real life.

There are clearly bad people in this world. People with no empathy. Criminals, scammers, bullies, agro impolite ungrateful scumbags and worse. A few years ago, I was robbed, had four teeth knocked out and my eye socket fractured. I struggle to feel positive towards the two guys who did that... but they’re outliers. There are very few people who would do that. Most of us are friendly.

Admittedly, I have no science to back up these claims. There is no study I can find on the ratio of positive versus negative interactions we experience or how many people are good versus bad. It’s likely impossible to define. But is it possible that tech has 95 per cent of us watching in horror at the craziest 5 per cent? We see these damaged, angry daily posters going at each other and assume everyone is like that. You see a terrible person doing something horrible on TikTok, Facebook or Reddit and assume that’s happening everywhere. You read a nasty bad-faith interaction on Twitter and think everyone hates each other. We don’t, that’s not the real world.

Or follow the show on Spotify, Apple or wherever you get your podcasts.

The radical theory that most people are good came to me while I was watching the American reality show Jury Duty on Amazon Prime. The series follows Ronald Gladden, a solar contractor unwittingly cast in a staged US jury trial, where all other participants apart from him are actors and all events are pre-planned. It’s a very enjoyable show, mainly because Ronald Gladden is such a great guy. This man was so righteous the producers had to take the show in an unexpectedly positive direction. The thing is, Ronald reminds me of most New Zealanders I meet. I was working with an electrician recently - he was just like Ronald. A smart, honest good guy. There are roadworks near my place, and today I stopped to talk with the stop-go guy. The dude was a Ronald. I’m working with a new person on a project this week, she’s a Ronald. In my opinion, New Zealanders are mostly Ronalds.

How often are people actually rude, mean or aggressive to you? Is it one in a hundred people you interact with (maybe a few more if you work in hospo, health, law enforcement or retail)? There are probably only one or two people at your work who cause major problems. How often are these bad interactions partially or completely your fault?

There is a saying: “If you meet an a-hole in the morning, you probably met an a-hole; if you meet them all day, you are probably the a-hole.” A person who gets in a lot of arguments, confrontations and complex nasty situations could be the problem.

The quality of our interactions is the most important thing in life. You want to get them right if you can. Psychiatrist Robert Waldinger is the director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, the most comprehensive longitudinal happiness study ever. He summed up the results of 75 years of study with one sentence.

“The clearest message that we get from this study is this: good human interactions keep us happier and healthier. Period.”

So let’s not bother being divided. If we take the time to get offline and take a look around the real world with an open heart this election year, we will mainly find good New Zealanders we can get along with whether we agree with them on everything or not.