'Look on the bright side' advice can be harmful

Encouraging a flood victim to look on the bright side may seem like a good idea, but it actually does more harm than good.

Victim Support says statements such as "You're lucky it wasn't worse" are damaging because they minimise the trauma of the event.

"What people need from a supporting person is affirmation," said operations manager Bronwyn Williams. "If you're saying, 'It could've been worse', you're taking the affirmation away."

She said family and friends of flood victims needed to listen without offering advice or solutions to problems.

Ms Williams said the next few weeks would be the most difficult for many victims of the May 18 floods and landslides in Tauranga and Matata. Sadness and depression tended to set in three to six weeks after a natural disaster, following an initial period when victims focused their energy on survival and cleanup.

As Jenny Thomas, Victim Support's Eastern Bay of Plenty service co-ordinator, said: "It's like coming down off a really big high".

People could suffer physically and psychologically with symptoms including insomnia, loss of appetite, loss of libido, colds (because they are run down), anger, guilt (about not having insurance, for example), and inability to make rational decisions.

Ms Williams said concerned family and friends should show support by helping with chores or babysitting, or offering breaks.

"Invite them to stay for the weekend or shout them an evening out."

Community events were also beneficial, allowing people to relax, talk and share information.

Ms Williams said natural disasters could be more traumatic than other events such as criminal acts or car accidents because there was no one to blame. Victims needed to seek professional help if symptoms persisted, and particularly if they were in the 0.05 per cent of the population for whom traumatic events triggered a severe psychological reaction that left them feeling suicidal.

Helping Out

Spend time with the stressed person without judging or demanding.

Offer support and a listening ear without giving advice or trying to solve problems.

Help with practical tasks and chores, or offer breaks away.

Don't take it personally if the stressed person is irritable or wants to be left alone.

Don't try to talk them out of their reactions or minimise the event by saying "You're lucky it wasn't worse" or "Pull yourself together".

Source: Victim Support

Victim Support: 0800 Victim (0800 842 846).

Callers automatically go through to offices in their region.