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Home / New Zealand

Local Focus: Barber shop in Pāpāmoa there for the bros

Gavin Ogden
By Gavin Ogden
Video Journalist, Tauranga, NZH Local Focus·NZ Herald·
26 Sep, 2021 10:16 PM4 mins to read

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Barber shop by day – men's mental health group by night.

"Take time to korero" is the theme behind this year's Mental Health Awareness Week and a barber shop in Pāpāmoa is proving that a little chat can go a long way.

Once a week, after the doors close to customers, Barber Shack hands the keys over to That's Us, a forum for men to talk openly and honestly.

"The need came from our own journeys," co-organiser Kory Ihaia said.

"When we started our own journeys into self and wanting to grow as a man, we find things that come up from our past, our upbringings, things that were passed on to us.

"The word's getting out there. Whether that's men leaving this space and having discussions, or leaving and feeling uplifted or lighter because they're able to come here and unload. Once we opened registrations we were pretty much booked out."

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Ihaia says all you need to join the group is just the courage to show up.

"As men we're afraid. We've grown up with this macho attitude and we wear these masks that we show at home, in the workplace, in front of our mates. The tāne that come are from all walks of life, from 18 right up to men in their 50s and 60s, different nationalities," he said.

"We open up our space with a karakia and then three deep breaths. One of the facilitators will open up around their story of their upbringing and what they've been going through. We all have different stories. It's all about others who come finding someone who resonates."

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Being able to talk without fear, and without needing alcohol, is what caught the attention of 20-year-old Ben Percy.

"I come here because I love the fact that men come together and have a chat about their feelings and emotions. Personally, I used to only have those conversations with close friends after a couple of beers.

"You'd go out to parties and stuff and the boys would pour their hearts out to each other after a few beers and then wake up the next morning and forget they even did it.

"This has shown me that men can talk about how they're feeling, acknowledge it and sit with that discomfort and remember it."

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Percy says many his age talk on text rather than face to face.

"Too often I have people my age talking to me about how they're feeling over text messages. Then I try to talk to them in person and it's not the same. A face-to-face conversation is too confrontational for them. They find it easier to talk over text and type it out rather than saying it out loud."

Local Dane Scott comes for the stories.

"It's not necessarily the professional help with a degree that makes the difference. It's hearing brothers' real stories, real journeys that they've all been on and that's the greatest gift of healing, in that we can relate to each other and make it okay to communicate."

There's still plenty of stereotypes around male behaviour, but initiatives like this are helping break them down.

"Society's indoctrinated us to be tough, to not speak up or you're considered weak," Scott said.

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"I'm seeing that change, seeing men for the first time turning up to groups like this and letting down the masks. Sharing from the heart and witnessing them walk out of this space lighter … physically lighter."

For Barber Shack owner Dominic Booler, handing over the keys to his shop once a week was a no-brainer.

"Guys like them, they seem to suck it up and hide it. That results in them having a blowout or heading down the wrong track but in a place like this they get support.

"There's also a big need for this group in New Zealand."

You can find out more about That's Us on their Facebook and Instagram pages.

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