While the winners and losers of the year may seem obvious, there are some awards that have yet to be given out. And so, without further ado… I present to you the class of 2017.
Top student in Mathematics: Steven Leonard Joyce
Steven achieved the seemingly impossible this year, seeing multi-billion dollar financial shortcomings that no other mathematician could see. Truly visionary.
Top student in Science; Oliver Sean Plunket
Oliver's "social experiment", during which he asked whether anyone else felt for alleged sexual predator Harvey Weinstein, reached an impressively wide audience. Further experimentation in the areas of Twitter and human interactions seems likely to feature in Oliver's future.
Top student in English: Shane Geoffrey Jones
Our very own modern-day bard, whose dulcet tones oft leave audiences musing, "But, for my own part, it was Greek to me."
Top student in Drama: Michael Noel James Hosking
Michael's subtle plumbing of the depths of human emotion was particularly thrilling on the evening of October 19. His public speaking is also worthy of congratulations, as he can always be relied upon to comment on any subject imaginable.
Top student in Geography: Barnaby Thomas Gerard Joyce
Barnaby's work on citizenship has seen him learn things about himself that he never knew before. Through the course of his personal discoveries this year, he became a better person.
Top student in Physical Education: Susan Elizabeth Anne Devoy
For running rings around many of the plonkers who have stumbled across her path in 2017.
Top student in Communications Studies: Gareth Huw Morgan
Gareth has consistently shown a great talent for connecting with people in ways that leave an unforgettable impression. With a penchant for controversial idioms and a general distaste for tact, Gareth's messages have been more broadly disseminated than he likely could've imagined.
Runner Up in Communications Studies: Michelle Ann Boag
Michelle has displayed a real flair for colourful language in 2017, particularly coffee-coloured language.
Top student in Legal Studies: Todd Keith Barclay
Todd learnt a lot about the law this year.
Top student in Food Technology: Paula Lee Bennett
Paula's outstanding knowledge of paninis and bowl lattes set her apart from the class in 2017.
The Outstanding Contribution to Te Reo Māori Award: Donald Thomas Brash
Donald's award is for his mastering of the words 'morayna' and 'whanow'. And also for doggedly ensuring that as many people as possible heard about the importance of the Māori language.
Diligence Award: Simon William English
Bill got up again. And then got knocked down again.
School Service Award for the Leader of the Feminist Club: Mark Hunter Richardson
Mark has displayed an admirable commitment to women's issues in 2017. His concern for uteruses earned him particular acclaim.
School Service Award for the Board of Trustees Representative: Chlöe Swarbrick
Chlöe has spent a lot of time with people much, much older than her, injecting fresh thinking and giving us hope for the future.
School Service Award for the Head Chorister: Ella Marija Lani Yelich-O'Connor
Ella can always be counted upon to lead the country in song.
School Service Award for the Captain of the 1st XV: Fiao'o Fa'amausili
After leading her team to championship victory, Fiao'o will be greatly missed by the triumphant team she leaves behind.
School Service Award for the Head Boy: Taika David Waititi
Taika has displayed the most challenging of leadership qualities this year: the willingness to speak up about difficult subjects when doing so may be unpopular. He has also achieved reasonable success with his film projects whilst juggling his Head Boy duties.
School Service Award for the Head Girl: Jacinda Kate Laurell Ardern
Jacinda has come a long way in the short space of a year. She has conquered each challenge thrown at her with grace and grit. Jacinda is the kind of student that may go on to become the Prime Minister one day.
Proxime Accessit: Andrew James Little
It may not have been Andrew's year, but his willingness to take a step back and push others forward is admirable.
Dux: Winston Raymond Peters
The most cunning and calculating of the class, Winston has come out on top yet again.
