Linda Hall: Don’t you dare call me ‘dear’

Just because someone has grey hair does not mean they don't know how to use a computer.

OPINION

Just because someone has grey hair doesn’t mean you can call them “dear”.

No, no, no. It’s patronising. You might as well say “you have grey hair, therefore you are old and doddery”.

I’ll give you an example. A friend of mine, who is the same age as me, has chosen to leave her hair its natural colour.

It’s white and cut into a modern short style. It suits her and looks great. Her hair has been this way for at least the past five years.

Recently she got a parking ticket. She had transposed the numbers on her number plate when she paid for her parking. That happens. And not just to people with white hair.

So she went to the appropriate offices to sort it out. The person behind the counter told my friend she would need to fill out a form.

That’s fine, she said.

The response was: “Do you know how to use a computer, dear.” Oh my goodness. My friend has probably been using a computer for longer than the person has been working for a living.

I was horrified on her behalf.

I remember my sister-in-law telling me a few years ago she did not like being called “dear”. She’s a bit older than me and to be honest I didn’t get it then. I do now.

During Covid when people couldn’t get to their hairdressers many of them, especially women, decided that they would let their hair “go natural”.

People a lot younger than me. I’d love to know if they get called “dear”.

Linda Hall is assistant editor at Hawke's Bay Today. Photo / Warren Buckland

I hadn’t really thought much about letting my hair go white, because that’s what it would do if I didn’t visit the hairdresser on a regular basis. But the encounter my friend had, made me think a lot about it.

It’s also made me think more about ageing.

There’s no doubt that the older you get, the more you really don’t care about what other people think about you.

Maybe that’s why a lot of young people think the older generation are (and these are words I have heard people use when describing older people) selfish, bossy, mean, no shame, cantankerous, stubborn and argumentative.

Off course they are also kind, generous, wise, fantastic company, and witty.

And they know stuff. Lots of stuff.

So many people don’t make it to their golden years. The years where they don’t have to answer to anyone except perhaps him or her indoors.

Years where they can go and play golf all day if they want to sit and read a book, or walk along the beach with no time restraints.

People are active for a lot longer these days, which is fantastic. They are also computer and social media savvy.

So next time you are dealing with a person with grey or white hair, instead of asking them if they know how to use a computer, ask them which computer they would like to use.

And don’t you dare call them “dear”.

Linda Hall is a Hastings-based assistant editor for Hawke’s Bay Today, and has 30 years of experience in newsrooms. She writes regularly on arts and entertainment, lifestyle and hospitality, and pens a column.