Jo and Bryan Guy, who are still running the family farm. Photo / Mark Mitchell
As the fifth anniversary of his death approaches, Scott Guy's parents remember their son with as much positivity as they can muster.
Bryan and Jo Guy become weepy at this time of year. The parents of Feilding farmer Scott Guy, the handsome 31-year-old husband and father who was cut down in his prime five years ago next Wednesday, are not depressing people.
In fact, the dignity and even positivity they've displayed in the face of adversity have won them many admirers.
But there's something about the lead-up to July 8 that affects them as they think of their son, a family man with a young wife, Kylee, son Hunter and the then yet-to-be-born Drover.
On Wednesday, Mr and Mrs Guy will likely do something quiet and respectful to remember Scott. Mrs Guy says that in the past, the family have gathered for afternoon tea.
"We light a candle sometimes and talk about some nice memories. We try to do something nice on the day. It's worse leading up to the actual day. We've been quite weepy this month.
"Then when you get to the day it never seems quite as bad."
Mrs Guy struggles with the dark and cold at this time of year anyway.
"It does remind you of all the things that happened, I think."
Sometimes the Guys feel like reminders - like happy ones of the way Scott walked and talked. One special memento is an agricultural company's promotional DVD Scott features in.
"The other day we thought, we've got to watch it because sometimes we feel like we dreamed having him, and then I think, 'We did have him.'
"It was good seeing him talking and we said, 'Yes, that's what he's like.'
"We're probably pretty lucky we've got that," Mrs Guy says.
Their daughter Anna Guy will remain in Auckland next week with her new partner and five children.
Life since the death of her brother - and the subsequent arrest of her then husband Ewen Macdonald on suspicion of Scott's murder - is very different for her too, she says.
"I don't feel like I'm the same person I was before five years ago. I think I've learnt a lot about myself and it kind of makes you re-evaluate your life a little bit. I am a lot stronger and a lot more independent.
"The whole time I think back to 10 years ago and gosh, I'm nothing like I was back then."
Would she still be on the farm Macdonald and Scott ran but for what happened?
"I don't know. I was always quite keen to do something else, but in the situation I was in it became almost impossible and I just plodded along.
"I definitely would have stayed longer, but long term, I'm not so sure what would have happened," she says. "I do find it difficult being up here every year [on July 8] and there's a lot of things about it that return - details - and I kind of think about it more than I usually would."
Ms Guy, a blogger and full-time mum, says she's made some new friends and has her "own little family" with her in Auckland. Last year, she returned to Feilding three times and next week, her children are going down to stay with Bryan and Jo.
Their grief is still very real and Jo Guy says she sometimes feels like a different person - one who values peace and quiet over mixing with others all the time.
Dealing with group situations can be hard work too, and the married couple of 39 years look at their life in two parts, they say, from their Feilding home that overlooks the town and provides a stunning view over the Manawatu countryside.
"We measure things from 2010, before Scott was killed and after Scott was killed," Mr Guy says.
"Often, in conversation, someone asks you about something you did in the past and you think, 'Was that before Scott died or not?'
"Five years, I wonder where it's gone at times. Other times it seems like a long time ago."
Mrs Guy keeps a locket around her neck with Scott's photo in it and there are photos of him in the house, which is a few minutes' drive from the family farm where Scott was killed.
The Guys are positive people who experience intense moments of joy. They speak with fondness about taking some of their grandchildren - Anna's offspring - to Fieldays in Hamilton recently.
This week is one of anniversaries for the Guys.
They've been in their house for seven years. And yesterday marked three years since Macdonald was acquitted of Scott's murder in an extraordinary and high-profile four-week trial in Wellington.
The public and media attention was difficult, as their lives were laid bare in the courtroom.
Afterwards, they flew to Sweden for a wedding; they said it was good to get away.
Macdonald admitted and remains in jail for other offences including vandalising Scott and Kylee's new house, burning down an old house on the Guy family farm and the horrific killing of calves on a Horowhenua property.
All that meant Macdonald lost the trust and respect of Mr and Mrs Guy.
Although the killing is still unsolved, the Guys are hopeful of finding the truth.
"But we don't dwell on it," Mrs Guy says, "because that's out of our control. It's not worth getting eaten up by that because we'd miss out on a lot."
Two years ago, police drained effluent ponds on the family farm in search of clues, but found nothing.
"The police investigation into the Scott Guy homicide remains open and we have not received any new information that has led to any further lines of inquiry," a police spokeswoman said this week.
For now, Mr Guy still runs the farm, although the couple plan to sell it soon.
Like daughter Anna, Mrs Guy has taken to writing - she blogs twice a week on the brightly coloured makelemonade.co.nz about food, family, health and living. Mr Guy is her proofreader.
In 2013, the couple put out the book Scott Guy: His parents' story of love, betrayal, murder and courage with author Tony Farrington. It mixed the harrowing story of their loss with positive messages and lessons from their marriage.
They're both involved in community work - Mr Guy chairs the Coach House Museum Trust and Mrs Guy raises money for children and families at risk through events such as a Feilding Dancing with the Stars - and they spend as much time as possible with their 11 grandchildren.
Kylee, Hunter and Drover now live in Hawke's Bay, where they value their privacy.
Through it all Mr and Mrs Guy said they have learnt about resilience and looking to always move forward. For Mr Guy, it's simple: you need good people around you for support and advice, to be part of a community, to have a purpose and to build relationships.
Some good has come out of the focus on them too. "We've had such a huge amount of support from New Zealanders because of it, whereas other people lose family and really it's only their close friends and family that know about it," Mr Guy says.
"They often live in their own world of grief, whereas for us, we've shared our grief with other people."
Mr Guy carries that support with him on his lapel in the form of a silver fern badge. "The fern is a symbol of pride and inspiration for our sports teams but for us, it's the pride and inspiration from all the people who have supported us.
"We've also got a much greater empathy for other people and understanding of how other people feel when they've gone through grief too. Often they tell us their stories."
It's not uncommon for strangers to walk up and hug them - something that happened just the other night.
Mrs Guy says: "That's quite nice. It's kind of strange, but it's sort of helpful in a way. Everything is so different from our life before."
• "Is there a sisters day? If not I think there should be one. Sisters share our childhoods. They share our memories, good and bad, that we often mull over and say 'is that normal?' We laugh at the same things. We look more alike as we get older. We understand the struggles and aspirations of each other, and we see the potential in each other too."
• "We have to let it go and find a way to accept what has happened and leave those 'what if' questions behind. The past is done with, we can never get it back. Today is our gift to make the most of. At times I have also gone back in my mind and longed for our old life. I liked the way we lived. But it doesn't help to stay with those thoughts either. Now I just don't go there. I have to design a new life."
• "We so appreciate the time we have together, as we don't know what's around the corner. So dear reader, don't look too far ahead waiting for things to come your way. Relish the moment today."
For more see: makelemonade.co.nz
July 8, 2010 Scott Guy gunned down at the end of the family farm's driveway.
July 13, 2010 Bryan and Jo Guy make their first public plea for information.
July 16, 2010 Scott Guy's funeral fills the 300-seat Anglican Church in Feilding. About 500 mourners are outside and Ewen Macdonald acts as a pallbearer.
July 20, 2010 Police reveal that Scott and Kylee Guy's soon-to-be-finished new home was vandalised in early 2009 and an old house on the family farm was destroyed by fire the year before.
August 24, 2010 Kylee Guy, with son Hunter on her lap, fronts a press conference to plead for help in finding the killer.
September 16, 2010 Scott and Kylee's son Drover is born.
April 7, 2011 Ewen Macdonald is arrested and charged with Scott Guy's murder. He denies the killing but admits a string of other offences that remain suppressed.
November 18, 2011 Macdonald's trial is moved to Wellington.
June 5, 2012 The trial begins and the jury is told of some of Macdonald's offending, committed alongside former farm worker Callum Boe. Information from Boe led to Macdonald's arrest.
July 3, 2012 Macdonald is found not guilty of murder.
August 2, 2012 Suppression orders are lifted and the full extent of Macdonald's criminal activity is revealed.
September 14, 2012 Macdonald is jailed for five years.
December 11, 2012 Macdonald is denied parole at his first hearing. He also fails to secure an early release at hearings in 2013 and 2014.
June 17, 2012 Police say they have drained effluent ponds on the Guy family farm in the hunt for clues. Nothing of note was found.
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