Light of hope in darkness of abuse

By CARROLL du CHATEAU and CATHERINE MASTERS

The last signature in the book at the back of St-Matthew-in-the-city is the name with the most significance.

The list in the chapel of the central Auckland church is of people who want to help abused children, and the name is that of Vanessa Matiu.

She is the aunt of 3-year-old Tangaroa, murdered by his stepfather, Genesis Mahanga, in January. The part-guardian of Tangaroa's three siblings wants to do her bit for other children in danger of abuse.

The urge to help made Ms Matiu agree to come to the Auckland church for the first National Children's Day, "even though I thought I might cry my eyes out."

She need not have worried. Ms Matiu and the three children sat transfixed at the outpouring of sadness for the past and hope for the future in the hour-long Honour Young Lives service.

"After today I know there's hope for other children going through it - and we're talking violent abuse here," she says. "There are no words for how I felt. It was overwhelming.

"Other people out there honestly care. They feel what we, the families who go through this, feel."

The church, decorated with white roses and daisies, echoed the sounds of powhiri and waiata from Ngati Whatua, soaring music from Zane Te Wiremu Jarvis, the Auckland Girls' and Boys' Choirs, St Mary's College Schola and the Silver Box String quartet and music for meditation.

Ms Matiu and the three children lit the first of 250 candles that turned into a glittering cross behind the altar.

Special guest speaker Merepeka Raukawa-Tait let the tears flow as she thought of the size of the task ahead.

The head of Women's Refuge later said she had bottled up her emotions for months and yesterday gave in.

"When I looked at those candles and I thought, if each one represents a little life lost in this country, then we have nothing to be proud of.

"I was thinking about the workload and how much further we've got to go. I felt quite sad."

She attacked the indifference of adults for allowing abuse of children and women to go unchecked.

It was disturbing that it had taken 10 weeks for an arrest to be made in the case of slain Carterton toddler Hinewaoriki Karaitiana-Matiaha, she said.

Adults must speak out and come forward if they saw abuse.

She hoped that Children's Day would be held annually. It would allow the nation to assess how far it had come - and how far it still had to go - in the fight against child abuse.

Dr Ian Hassall, the country's first Commissioner for Children, and spokesman for the Children's Agenda lobby group, told the service that some people believed child abuse was inevitable, that it was part of the human condition. "I don't agree. The same thing was said about slavery, the same thing was said about the oppression of women and other social phenomena that we hope we have outgrown, or are at least outgrowing."

Dr Hassall first suggested the Children's Day - where adults are urged to spend quality time with the children in their lives - and it was taken up by various community groups, children's lobbyists, and politicians.

Organisers of the service - three "ordinary" women - were delighted so many people attended.

Alex Dempsey said she and two friends had got together after they grew sick of opening the newspaper and reading stories on the suffering of children.

"We thought it's all very well getting upset about it, what can ordinary people do? We thought National Children's Day was the best opportunity to do something in memory of them and which gave their lives some value."

Afterwards, people came up to Ms Matiu as she sat with the three children at the back of the church, offering her personal help if she needed it.

Others brought flowers for her, clothes for the kids. But as she says, they're fine. "The children are settling. We're all doing well."

And yes, the house in Kaitaia is big enough for all seven - her own four and her sister's three. "They don't want to go back to Auckland," she says, smiling. "Not yet, anyway!"

Most importantly, Ms Matiu is determined to thank people for the support she had in the weekend.

"[We] would like to thank everyone who organised and supported the first national day for children, and everybody who turned up. Because they give hope to the families out there that are going through it and are trying to do a good job."

"What's really touched me is this. This! The church, the music, the candles - and that people honestly care."

Herald Online feature: Violence at home

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