League great speaks out on violence

White Ribbon ambassador Ruben Wiki speaking at Friendship House in Manukau yesterday. Photo / Sarah Ivey

A new, more activist Families Commission began to emerge yesterday with the appointment of league great Ruben Wiki as an "ambassador" against domestic violence.

Wiki, 36, spoke at Manukau's Friendship House about his own experience as a 10-year-old, when his mother was "beaten up and thrown against the wall" by her partner.

Parents Inc chief executive Bruce Pilbrow, who was appointed a Families Commissioner at the same time as Christine Rankin in May, said bringing in big names was part of a shift in the commission's focus from research towards "action" on key social issues.

"It's the acting part that I'm interested in - getting something like this, strong advocacy, actually standing up for families," Mr Pilbrow said.

He is also lobbying the Government to extend paid parental leave from 14 weeks to a year - a cause promoted in a commission report two years ago but not yet endorsed by either major political party.

Domestic violence has been the commission's biggest single focus since it was set up in 2004 to provide "a voice for New Zealand families". It helped co-ordinate the "It's not okay" campaign and sponsors White Ribbon Day each November, when men are encouraged to wear white ribbons as a statement against violence towards women.

Mr Pilbrow said naming Mr Wiki as the first of six White Ribbon ambassadors was aimed at actually getting men into anti-violence programmes, such as those run at Friendship House.

"If you put someone beside it, it encourages them to come to somewhere like this. We just want to get them in this door," he said.

He said the other five ambassadors would not all be sportsmen. They could include business people - "renowned people who have the mana and respect in the community".

Wiki, who still holds the record for the most test matches played by any league player in the world, said he planned to attend a full 18-week non-violence course at Friendship House to tell his story to other men.

"I grew up in Otara. My mother had a few relationships that were not pretty," he said.

"I had two other siblings with me so I had to protect them in the room next to the room where I was hearing her being beaten up and thrown against the wall."

The next morning his mother wore sunglasses to hide her black eyes, but stayed with her partner in "a love/hate relationship". Her partner made no effort to change.

"It seemed natural to him. I didn't think it was natural," Wiki said.

"I was angry and helpless, I couldn't do anything to help Mum. But as the years have gone by, I have used that as fuel for me to succeed, and I think it's paid off."

He has broken the cycle in his own adult life. "The wife is the boss in my relationship," he said. "I've been with her 17 years. She has been my best friend. I love my kids to a tee."

The couple's two children, Denzel and Mackenzie, are now aged 10 and 7.

Wiki said becoming an "ambassador" was a natural step, as he had worn a white ribbon in November for several years.

"When I was with the Kiwis I would get all the boys to wear a white ribbon," he said. "Hopefully, my face can change the way people think."

* Ruben Wiki

Played 55 league tests for NZ between 1994 and 2006.

Played for the Warriors 2005-08

Retired from league last year and now runs a personal training business with his wife, Santa.

* nzfamilies.org.nz