Layman's guide to the Kiwi funeral

Too little information about organising funerals has prompted a Kapiti celebrant to write a "do's and don'ts" guide to services in New Zealand.

Earthy Farewell by Hilary Hudson, published by Te Horo's Priory Press, covers everything from civil and religious services, eulogies, readings and hymns, to filling in personal records of the deceased.

Mrs Hudson said many spouses were unaware that if their partner died, the Registrar of Births, Deaths and Marriages required the details of all previous marriages and the birth dates of the bride and groom.

They also required details of all living children, including birth dates.

"Some 26,000 people die in New Zealand each year and we now have our own culture at funerals. This, at times, can be a little scary for some.

"I have known people who choose not to go to a funeral because they are terrified of behaving incorrectly."

There were all sorts of rules because people had different rituals and religions, she said.

"I hope the book helps people understand things a little better."

Depression, grief and self-pity could be on display at a service, but a funeral should be a celebration of life.

"We have got to be careful that the strong emotions felt during a period of mourning don't take over from reality.

"While we need to accept the person has died it is more important to celebrate their life and acknowledge they lived for whatever length of time."

Readings and music should be relevant to a person's background and history.

Singing hymns would be appropriate for someone born 70 years ago who went to church every Sunday, but some children today would never have heard them.

"Funerals are an absolute part of life. I have never heard of a baby being born in anything other than great pain, but we tend to gloss over that."

- NZPA