Labour's front bench a 10-metre-wide grin of schadenfreude as debate turns to John Key's exit

It was the first time in Parliament since Prime Minister John Key announced he was going and Labour's front bench was a 10-metre-wide grin of schadenfreude.

Not only had John Key signed off, but for the first time in a decade it was National rather than Labour facing a potentially fractious leadership showdown.

The PM was there, but he was already chopped liver. When Bill English referred to him, they hollered "who?"

By way of thanks for his services to Labour's election chances, Labour generously staged a "National's Got Talent" contest for those who wanted his throne.

Earlier that day, they had predicted who would put their names up and lined up questions for Bill English, Jonathan Coleman and Judith Collins.

Labour's deputy leader, Annette King, (a veteran of seven leadership changes in Labour) had raided the cutlery drawer and was putting the spoons to good use with a bit of stirring.

First came the arch observation Coleman had turned up to work that day in a new suit. Then came the question whether the NZ Doctor magazine described him as "Dr Who?" "missing in action" and "To the bedside manor born" because he was too focused on his own career prospects to fix up problems in health.

When Deputy Prime Minister Bill English referred to Prime Minister John Key in today's urgent debate on his resignation, Labour MPs had fun hollering "Who?" Photo / Mark Mitchell

In the judges' seats, Labour provided a running commentary. When Jami-Lee Ross stood to ask a question of English, Hipkins called "you've lost one, Judith." They took their own sides. King called out "I've got my money on Judith" to English.

The three contestants sought to live up to their campaign platforms. English was Mr Stability and his answers were suitably dull. Coleman's Regeneration and Not a Professional Politician pitch saw him issue a reminder he used to be an actual real, live medical doctor.

Fortunately for the onlookers, Collins was campaigning as the Tough Leader option.

Of the three she put in the biggest game. Asked about burglary rates, she shamelessly nicked Winston Peters catchphrase: "Help is on its way" coupled with a sharp reminder that whatever their fun, National was still in Government and they were in Opposition.

In front of her sat Steven Joyce, a rather inscrutable smile on his face which only drove Labour to further delight.

Then came an Urgent Debate on the PM's resignation. The PM was long gone and English was left to cobble together a few notes in praise of Key's wondrousness. Not too many - English could not even last his full speaking slot.

The best performance in reply was again Annette King with analysis of the leadership contest Key had prompted. She spoke of Collins' stiletto of killer ambition.

She spoke of the "Battle of the Mustards": "the Colemans and the English mustards are going to be now battling over the leadership."

She referred to Labour's own leadership "faction" - the so-called "Anyone but Cunliffe" group:

"Do you know, they have got two ABCs already. They have got "anyone but Coleman" and "anyone but Collins". They have got two ABBs, no, three ABBs-"anyone but Bill, anyone but Bennett, and anyone but Bridges."

The fun might not be over yet. Of Labour's four questions for the leadership "contenders" it got three right. The fourth was to Paula Bennett - who as of last night was yet to show her hand.