Kerre Woodham: Love counts - not money

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I'm really glad my daughter's dad and I were as poor as church mice when we split up.

We had no assets to speak of - no house, no car, no worldly possessions that meant a thing.

The only thing that really mattered in our lives was our daughter, so despite the pain and anger that comes with any break-up, it was all pretty straightforward really.

We both acknowledged that Kate had a father and mother who loved her dearly and that we both had a role to play in her life. It might have been through gritted teeth, but it was done.

Perhaps if we'd had a house, investments and furniture to divide, the competition to best the other might have spilled over into competition over the child. But perhaps not.

As it was, we didn't have a brass razoo and certainly not enough to be able to hire respective lawyers, so we just had to get on with disentangling our lives while establishing a relationship that would allow us to co-parent a child we loved.

Thanks to his generosity and my belief that Kate had a father who could never be replaced, we've worked it out and, at her wedding later this year, we'll both walk her down the aisle.

Provided your partner hasn't abused you or the kids, why wouldn't you continue to allow them to parent? You might be disappointed and upset and you probably feel emotionally betrayed - but that's between you and your partner, not you and the kids. Wouldn't it be so much better to work it out between yourselves rather than spending thousands and thousands of dollars on legal fees?

The Otago University study showing that couples spend, on average, $30,000 in legal fees to sort out custody arrangements and separation agreements is an eye-watering sum of money - especially given that most people in the study earned under 60 grand.

I agree with the good professor - spend the money on the kids, not on lawyers.

I'm not trying to do lawyers out of a buck - my Kate graduates as a lawyer at the end of the year and God knows we'd love to see a return on investment.

But surely two reasonable adults can set aside their heartache to ensure that the people they claim to love the most aren't the collateral damage in a break-up.