Kerre McIvor: It's up to men to stop abuse of women

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Opinion

Finally the Grace Millane murder trial has come to an end, with her murderer jailed for life imprisonment with a minimum non parole period of 17 years.

So, nearly two decades before this cold, callous, killer can even apply to be considered for parole.

That's got to be a relief to anyone with a sister or a daughter. But for Grace's family, dealing with the loss of their girl is only just beginning.

For the past two years, they've had a focus. They wanted to ensure that the man who'd taken their daughter, sister and friend didn't get away with murder. They sat through his trial day after day, not flinching when they heard, in excruciating detail, evidence given about Grace's personal life.

I'm not going to go into the details here - they've been canvassed sufficiently over the past couple of years - but suffice it to say, there is no privacy or dignity when a person is murdered. Their life is laid bare within the cold, impersonal confines of a courtroom while the prosecution and the defence engage in judicial contest, each side only really concerned about winning legal points and ultimately their case.

Courtroom proceedings aren't about justice. We all know that.

But the conviction of Grace's murderer, who was found guilty by a jury in a unanimous verdict, was a vindication for Grace. Her life mattered.

There was no excuse, no defence for the way her killer brutalised and objectified her.

Grace's family opened the sentencing on Friday by reading out victim impact statements, underscoring their loss and their devastation.

And Justice Simon Moore affirmed the brutal nature of the murder and the subsequent desecration of Grace's body when he imposed the sentence.

But now it's over. And the Millane family have to get on with living each day without her.

I can't even begin to imagine the pain that they're feeling. It's incredible the way they have refused to allow her killer to dim her light.

They decided to channel their grief into a project for good and the Love Grace charity was launched in Britain.

Even in their pain and grief, the Millanes refuse to be brought low by an ugly, cruel act of depravity.

White Ribbon charity ambassador, Mark Longley, whose own daughter was murdered by her boyfriend, says Grace's death must be a reminder that violence against women, in any form, is wrong and that it's up to men to spread that message.

Damn right it is.

On the same day that Grace's murderer was sentenced, fury was raging over statements made by the detective in charge of the murders of a woman and her three children in Australia in the most horrific manner.

They were burned alive by an angry vindictive husband and father, who would not contemplate them living outside of his control. Was this, mused Detective Inspector Mark Thompson, an issue of a woman suffering significant domestic violence and her and her children perishing at the hands of the husband? Or is it, he said, an instance of a husband being driven too far by issues that he's suffered by certain circumstances into committing acts of this form?

Dear God. How can he even begin to contemplate an excuse for burning alive three babies, strapped into their car seats, and their mother who only wanted to keep them safe?

There is no excuse for violence against women. Women shouldn't be dying because a man's ego is wounded or because he wants to act out a pornographic fantasy. And yet they are. Of all victims killed by a partner or ex-partner in this country between 2004 and 2019, 75 per cent were female and 25 per cent male. And even when the woman was the killer, in a number of cases the court found she was acting in self defence.

Yes, women can be abusive but they simply don't kill men in the way men kill women. And it will be men, and only men, who can change this.