KEY POINTS:
National's only remaining supporter of the anti-smacking legislation has spoken for the first time about the guilt she has felt smacking her own children.
Education spokeswoman Katherine Rich, a mum of two, has also spoken of being isolated on the issue in her own caucus as the few
supporters for the bill have vanished.
Rich's sole remaining compatriot - Waitakere-based MP Paula Bennett - is expected to pull her support on Tuesday as a poll of West Aucklanders shows little support for it.
Other National MPs who initially indicated they would support it - Simon Power, Jackie Blue and Paul Hutchison - have already fallen in line with the rest of their caucus in opposing it.
The issue is expected to flare up again this week when the legislation returns to Parliament on Wednesday.
Rich, who lives in Dunedin with husband Andrew and children Jonathan and Georgia, said she would never smack her children again - but had smacked her son a handful of times in the past.
"I smacked Jonathan a couple of times - but I'm deeply ashamed of that. I've thought about those situations and it was more to do with my tiredness and inability to cope than trying to find genuine ways of directing him.
"The time when I just totally lost it because ... sometimes you just lose all tolerance ... he turned around to me and said, 'Mummy, why did you do that, you're supposed to be happy'.
"I decided very early on it didn't serve any purpose. I recall seeing the fear on his face when I raised my hand. I realised I was the one out of control - he was just being a child."
She said one of the two occasions that she could remember smacking, came after Jonathan had placed himself in danger.
"I realised how silly it was to deliver a message about safety by hitting someone. It would have been better to pick him up and remove him from the situation."
Rich said she was hesitant to tell others how to raise their children. But, in her household, the family now used 'time-out' for the children, or television bans, to deal with misbehaviour. She could recall being smacked once as a child after breaking glass in the family lounge while bouncing a netball off the wall.
"This debate touches everybody's life. The reason grandparents are exercised about it is because they perceive this whole debate as being a reflection on their parenting. It shouldn't be about judging people."
She said she was not expecting to be left as the lone National Party voice supporting the bill.
"It's not really as I had predicted. But you don't change your mind because it gets lonely."
Years of research and much thought had gone into her decision to support Green MP Sue Bradford's bill, which removes a defence for assault for parents who use physical discipline on children. It was a serious decision because it was out of step with the party's view. "At the start, it wasn't just me. But should I change my mind because I'm the last one?
"You come to Parliament to make judgements and this has been one of the biggest political issues. Sometimes it's important to just show some strength.
"Should I collapse in a great heap now because it's tough? What kind of a decision maker would you be if you flip-flopped because you're on your own."
Rich said she had been lobbied by fellow National MPs, but she had not actively sought support in the party.
She had also decided not to voice her views in Parliament, where many MPs have opted to speak on the issue. "That is out of respect for the party. Its position is pretty clear."
She hadn't expect her stand to have wider implications. "There are always consequences of holding an alternative position."
In this case, the consequence was that she stood out - and her family became a target when one smacking advocate made a threat aimed at Rich's children. "That rocked me to my core. When we go into politics you expect a certain amount of criticism. It's quite a different thing when your family are involved, particularly when you have small kids. That would be the toughest period."
She said she was "surprised" the police had decided not to lay charges but would not question the decision. "She's a mother with young baby herself and I don't want to add to the challenges she's already facing. I know what that's like."
Rich also spoke against the pro-smacking lobby's support for the Timaru woman who was found not guilty of assault after discipling one of her children with a riding crop.
The woman is currently facing fresh assault charges relating to another of her children.
"There has been some unfortunate hysteria about this issue. Take the Timaru horsewhip lady - she should pipe down because there is more to that case than the media is reporting. The pro-smackers should not use her as a poster girl for parenting."
Many extreme - and public - cases of child abuse involved parents who thought they were using appropriate force, said Rich. The repeal of Section 59 would send a message that using physical force against children was not appropriate.
"Criminalising is such an emotive word. If you drive at 101km/h, that doesn't make you a criminal. But if you drive at 140km/h, then it's far more clear-cut.
"The whole debate has been about parents' rights. Most of the debate I've listened to hasn't been about children at all. I believe children should have the same rights as adults with assault laws. Parents will still smack their kids. This bill won't stop child abuse - but it sure helps convict the people who engage in it."
Ideally, said Rich, she would rather parents stopped smacking altogether. "You won't stop it because a lot of it happens when parents are at their wits' end.
"But it would be good if we found other ways to guide our children."
Wife, mother ... and MP
* Age: 39
* Family: Husband Andrew, and children Jonathan, five, and Georgia, four.
* Portfolio: Currently education. Previously welfare, business development.
* Elected: 1999
* Ranking: Originally 23rd on the list, briefly 4th and currently 8th.
* Successes: Exposed the $26,000 government funded research tour on hip-hop, which led to an overhaul of an official grants scheme.
* Scandals: Rich was dropped down the list after failing to fully support a "tough on welfare" speech by then leader Don Brash. She lost the welfare portfolio and was demoted.
