Jono's tears on live TV a 'tipping point' for Taihape farmer to share his own depression

A quiet farmer has shared his struggle with depression this week after seeing comedian Jono Pryor break down in tears on live TV over a close friend's suicide.

Taihape farmer Daniel Mickleson had been debating opening up about his depression for some time.

But then he saw Jono and Ben's March 17 show, where Pryor wept openly about the death of his friend Tim Hutchens and encouraged Kiwis to ask for help if they were dealing with mental health struggles.

That was the "tipping point" for the 35-year-old Mickleson to write a heartfelt open essay detailing how the struggles of farming sent him spiralling into depression.

In the spring of 2010, he watched the last 11 months' farm work crumble in the face of four weeks of persistent rain.

Lambs died, calves were struggling to thrive. "It was a nightmare," Mickleson wrote in his 1000-word post, which was shared on NZ Farming's Facebook page.

"There was no respite. Every day was a slog, putting on already saturated wet weather gear, and walking to and from work helplessly watching as the previous 11 months' work sat down and died around me," he wrote.

"One day toward the end of it, trudging home through the mud, I ground to a halt. I sat down in the mud. And I started to cry. It was too much. I couldn't go on."

Mickleson tried to fight. "I'm strong, I thought. I can beat this ... But you can't fight depression. It's cunning. It's sly. It doesn't give you anything to hit."

The turning point came when he read a book on depression by former All Black John Kirwan. He learned to accept his mental state and work with it, eventually nursing himself back to health.

At the time pride stopped the introverted farmer from opening up to friends, fearing talking would make him vulnerable. He said looking back that was "utterly stupid".

Mickleson wrote the open post this week after his depression returned with a vengeance. He described his relapse as feeling like "drowning". But this time he has asked for help.

"If a friend came to you and said, 'Mate, I need help' you'd help, wouldn't you? Of course you would. And you wouldn't think less of them for it. So why do we Kiwi blokes have so much trouble being on the other side of the situation?" he said in the post.

Mickleson told the Herald he now recognised the signs of depression and had reached out to a few close friends. "I realised this time was more serious and it's bigger than me - it's something I couldn't deal with by myself."

Jono and Ben's show was "the tipping point in me being able to go public. I didn't feel like I'd be the first any more."

He hoped the message, titled "Real Men Don't Cry", might help "two or three" people. But it has since been shared hundreds of times.

"It's really struck a chord with a lot of people," he told the Herald. "It was quite astounding to realise how widespread this is and how common. I've had a few messages from people who told me they were going to go and talk to someone. It's absolutely amazing to have caused this."

• Lifeline: 0800 543 354 (available 24/7)
• Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) (available 24/7)
• Youthline: 0800 376 633
• Kidsline: 0800 543 754 (available 24/7)
• Whatsup: 0800 942 8787 (Mon-Fri 1pm to 10pm. Sat-Sun 3pm-10pm)
• Depression helpline: 0800 111 757 (available 24/7)
• Rainbow Youth: (09) 376 4155
• Samaritans 0800 726 666
• If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111.