James Griffin: We need more public holidays

Every October 1 should be Dan Carter's Groin Day, for it was on October 1, 2011 that Dan's bits gave way during kicking practice and the whole nation felt his pain. Photo / File

One of the best things about this time of year - above and beyond Auckland's freakishly glorious weather - is that every second week seems to bring a new statutory holiday: Auckland Anniversary, Waitangi Day ...

As someone who likes statutory holidays, this pattern of getting a day off work every two or three weeks seems like something that should be encouraged and, indeed, legislated.

New Zealand is simply a much better place to live on days you don't have to go to work. This is why we need many more legally sanctioned holidays. And this is why I am here to suggest a few, in the hope there will be a public uprising in my quest to have more days off.

Waitangi Day commemorates a very significant day in our nation's history, which is fair enough even if you don't agree with the whole te tiriti thing. But taking a leaf out of this book, aren't there heaps of other significant events we could also celebrate by lounging round in our pyjamas?

Everest Day. May 29. Ed conquers the very big hill. Seriously, why we don't celebrate this astonishing physical feat by not going to work and, instead, eating a large breakfast and then doing nothing physical at all is utterly beyond me. Should have been on the statute books many years ago.

Or what about the very next day, May 30, becoming Nah Mate, We're Good Thanks Day; for on this day in 1901 a New Zealand Royal Commission voted unanimously not to let us become a state of the Commonwealth of Australia. We have Anzac Day, which celebrates the bonds between our two great nations, so why not have an anti-Anzac Day so we can celebrate us not becoming the other Tasmania, and also have a lie-in?

September 19: the day, in 1893, we became the first country in, like, everywhere, to give women the vote. Not only was this a great day for women but it also is the day that got the ball rolling on our slightly-smug self-belief that we are the best and most progressive country in the world. This day could be called something like New Zealand, You Rock Day, and we could commemorate a whole bunch of great social policies we have enacted, and also not go into the office.

As well as event-based lazy days we also get to not work to commemorate the births of people like the Queen and Jesus. But are there not many actual New Zealanders we should be remembering via a public holiday on what they would call their birthday? Sir Ed (July 20); Ernest "the atom-splitter" Rutherford (August 30); Kate "Ten Dollar Note Rhymes With Vote" Sheppard (March 10); even bloody old Bill Hamilton, inventor of the jet-boat (July 26). It could be argued, in a pub on a day when you're not at work because of them, that all these actual Kiwis have done more for Aotearoa than have Jesus or the Queen.

Richie McCaw Day would be, I am sure, a day off the nation would really get behind by not doing anything, because on Richie McCaw Day we would all rest our tired bodies like Richie does the day after a test match. The obvious date for RM Day would be Richie's birthday, but as we have heaps of holidays on or around December 31 I am suggesting that November 17, the date Sir Richie played his first test match (against Ireland) as the day we get to slob around in his honour.

Not all rugby-related days off should be about conquering heroes, however. As we do on Anzac Day we should also remember those who have fallen in the quest for sporting glory. This is why I think every October 1 should be Dan Carter's Groin Day, for it was on October 1, 2011 that Dan's bits gave way during kicking practice and the whole nation felt his pain. We could all remember this dark day, before St Beaver arose to save us all, by staying away from work and doing groin-based things, but not too strenuously.

What I'm simply doing here, in my simplistic way, is making the point that there are myriad events and/or people out there worth not working for.

In fact, if we put our hearts and souls and minds into this, then New Zealand could lead the world in statutory holidays. With a collective will to not work as hard or as often as we currently do, we could rise to new heights of slackness. Imagine how relaxed we would be as a nation with all those holidays to keep us sane. Sure, there might be a slight offset in productivity, but we'd all be so chilled out we wouldn't care.

All those in favour?