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Home / New Zealand

<i>That Guy</i>: It's tough being an expert - just try it

By That Guy
Herald on Sunday·
24 May, 2008 05:00 PM4 mins to read

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Opinion

KEY POINTS:

A number of people have written in response to my global warming expose. Many of these so-called experts have chosen to ignore the facts, some even going as far as to say that Antarctica never had polar bears, rather than accept my theory that their dwindling numbers are due to man's carbon emissions and deforestation.

I don't mind constructive criticism but I can't tolerate people who put their head in the sand and blindly ignore what's going on around them.

It's easy to be an expert from the couch but I don't have that luxury. I travel the world and see these things first-hand and then I have to write about them. I can tell you one thing: I wouldn't have my job for long if I wrote rubbish all the time like these people.

As a journalist, you learn to get your facts right first, and worry about spelling, grammar and deadlines second. As an embedded journalist, I have covered heaps of big events and have filed stories on lots of different topics, so after a while you become a bit of an expert on most things.

In retrospect, this is probably what makes me such a popular guest at dinner parties, especially if I have been on the dark spirits for a while.

I get paid to write, these idiots don't, and I can see now that there is a very good reason for that.

If I can return to the original controversy for a moment, just because a polar bear hasn't been seen in Antarctica recently, it doesn't mean that they weren't there once. I don't need to see gravity to know that the concept exists, and I don't need to see God to know that he doesn't.

I have dedicated a vast part of my life to studying nature, as this photo of me holding a koala bear clearly shows.

You can't learn everything from books and the inter-web. Sometimes you have to get out there and see it for yourself. I challenge any of these so-called experts, who had the time to write in and say that Antarctica never had polar bears, to produce a photo of them holding a wild animal up close, like me in my koala bear photo.

You look - as you are now - at a photo of somebody holding a koala bear and you can only learn so much. Experience it for real and you can learn so much more.

I learned that this koala bear was on heat and that once he decided to pleasure himself there wasn't a hell of a lot I could do about it. I have since learned that if a koala bear is pleasuring himself on you, you should take the same action as you would if you were stung by a box jellyfish and that is to douse him in vinegar.

How many of these so-called experts knew that? And how many of them know that koala bears aren't actually bears, they are rodents?

I invite criticism and feedback but I also expect it to be of a high standard.

I spend hours sometimes on these columns - the least you people can do is put a bit of thought into your feedback. Spell-checking wouldn't be a bad idea either. I have enough on my plate checking my own work without having to go through your contributions as well. Criticism isn't nice, is it? You should have thought of that before you tried to make me look like a dick.

Another one of my wildlife photos worthy of mention is one of my son with a beagle. Like capturing a cheetah in full stride, or a crocodile ambushing a wildebeest while it drinks from the monsoon-filled waters of the Kalahari, the picture tells a compelling story. What that story is I am unsure, but it's wildlife photography at its very best.

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