Te Radar: Back to basics with the tourist attractions

That a town's main attraction is its toilet block should not be a matter for derision, if only because we should be glad that some of our towns have any form of attraction in the first place.

Anything that encourages tourism must be good, especially now that the term "long drop" has more relevance to bungee jumping than to toilets - although the terror of that activity means the same effect may result from either.

It isn't surprising then that we have in this fair nation a Best Loo competition. Run by Keep New Zealand Beautiful it sets out to judge which town's porcelain is paramount.

"It is important to recognise what positive effects a basic facility such as the public toilet can have on the community's appearance and how residents and out of town visitors view the town," opined Keep New Zealand Beautiful's Barry Lucinsky. Indeed.

What is surprising, though, is that there were only 18 entries.

I suspect I know why.

The simple fact is that the better the toilet, the more it will be used. This increases the costs to councils of keeping their toilets squeaky clean.

Thus, the low number of entries is perhaps indicative of an unspoken policy among councils to keep their toilets in marginally useable state and keep costs down.

Thankfully though, there are some majestic examples of excellence in bathroomery, notably the competition co-winners, Kawakawa's Hundertwasser toilets, and Rotorua's Pukuatua Street toilets, which have been referred to as the Pukuatua Street Palace. That someone refers to a toilet block as a palace certainly says something. I'm just not sure what.

Fortunately some towns show restraint. A few years ago, the hamlet of Matamata, popularised among tourists by its use as Hobbiton in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, was faced with toilet chaos because tourists were going to flood the town, (literally, it seemed).

When the town upgraded its toilet block we can only be grateful that some local wag didn't decide to create it with "a Lord of the Rings" theme.

Matters of a bathroom nature have been plaguing many recently, nowhere more than in Norway, where a torrent of invective has been directed at a frazzled headmistress, who, clearly at the end of her tether, suggested to parents that their boys sit down to urinate, as they didn't have the best of aims when standing.

This audacity caused many to become flushed with anger.

"If boys are not allowed to pee in the natural way that they have done for generations, then it amounts to an assault on God's creations," barked Norwegian politician Vidar Kleppe.

"It is a human right not to have to sit down like a girl."

One pupil's mother was furious, saying she had spent months "trying to teach her son to aim properly".

Months? I would offer a simple suggestion: a urinal.