Te Radar: A worldwide attraction, but where are the real boobs?

When I heard there was to be a Boobs On Bikes parade down Auckland's Queen St, I assumed that the city's councillors were to be involved in some kind of bike-orientated penance for indecently exposing the humble citizens of their city to gratuitous rates increases.

Sadly, this was not the case. Auckland's esteemed councillors are not, this time, the boobs in question.

Rather, several stars of the adult entertainment industry are to promote their wares and the forthcoming Erotica show by travelling down the Golden Mile clad in little but smiles.

The streets, it seems, will be full of troubled ladies creating lady trouble. Naturally this has aroused considerable consternation in many of the city's populace.

There was immediate outrage from the city councillors themselves, who were not advised of the application to hold the parade. They were no doubt annoyed that this gave them no time to check that their schedules were clear.

The Family First Lobby, a pro-family lobby group, was so appalled at the prospect of bare-breasted women that it offered to supply them with bras and sweatshirts, for fear that they would catch their deaths of cold in Auckland's chilly winter.

After all, they have families too, and as Family First's national director Bob McCoskrie acknowledged, "New Zealand families will sleep easier knowing that the girls are covered up and not having their health put at risk".

On a positive note the prospect of street nudity has gained Auckland free publicity from news organisations worldwide which are keen to keep their readers abreast of the situation.

"Go ahead for porn parade" screamed English tabloid the Sun, while the Melbourne Herald Sun was more restrained with "topless porn bikers get green light".

Somewhat depressingly for Auckland though, many of the world's newspapers simply ran the headline "New Zealand okays topless porn parade". Will this news help to bring more expatriates home?

Little wonder then that with this kind of licentiousness titillating its lunchtime shoppers, Auckland rates in a Ministry of Social Development report as being the place where people are richer, and live longer than anywhere else in New Zealand.

As if they needed any more reasons to be smugger than their provincial cousins.

Coincidentally, or so we are told, the Engineering, Printing and Manufacturing Workers' Union has organised a protest on the same day against National's proposed 90-day trial period for employees.

The union says its members will remain clothed - as the sight of numerous hairy-chested engineers might be a little too much for the delicate sensibilities of the shoppers.

Still, the anti-protest elements should be content to know that the parade should be over quite quickly, for if the motorcycles remain stationary they will no doubt be subjected to an immediate rating charge by the cash-strapped city council.

And for anyone concerned about safety, the police will be providing manpower to coordinate the event. I suspect there will be more than sufficient officers volunteering.