KEY POINTS:
As recession bites, consumers are becoming more discerning in their spending, viewing what's on offer like a kid contemplating the lolly counter with the last of their pocket money. Whilst this increased consideration might be good for the consumer, it is hitting a number of production areas really
hard - none more so than in the mysterious world of "research and development".
In neon-lit bunkers, an army of beards in white coats toil over formulas, equations and potions to make our 21st century convenient and odour free. But these garden sheds for nerds are under attack as mighty corporations tighten their belts, knuckle down and face the dreaded bottom line.
As the R&D innovators face life on the dole queue we, who have relied on them to supply our retail habits with regular hits, have to face a new shopping stone age.
Consider these the first casualties in the war on recession:
Razor cuts in male grooming
The major shaving companies have already announced they are going to shelve plans for the introduction of the "cinque" - the revolutionary five-blade razor that replaces the four-blader that usurped the now antiquated three-bladed razor your granddad used when he started his dotcom empire.
The development of a laser guided, vibrating, MP3 portal equipped electric razor, a focus of Nasa's current Mars mission, is also on temporary hold. An ever so slightly stubbly spokesman said men were going to have to settle for the closest shave yet, until the even closer shave yet arrived as a smooth indicator that recession was finally over. Rumours are already rife that the World Bank is calling for the next "Movember" campaign to be expanded and extended so as to act as a beard for ongoing economic hardship.
No one's smiling in toothpaste technology
Smile and the world smiles with you, but show a gap-toothed, yellowing grin and everyone knows all is not well in the clinically proven world of toothpaste progression. Deep in the bowels of All White HQ, the enamel walls used to inspire a glut of lab rats to perfect the ring of confidence.
Now these rooms are quiet and we all suffer, having to make do with a product that only cleans, shines, freshens, protects and strengthens for 24 hours. Gone is the hope of a rainbow-striped paste with its promise of the All-American look wherever in the world you brush and rinse twice a day.
The R&D pioneers who had saved us from the old labour intensive toothbrush to create the electronic version, complete with sounds, calculator and battery life indicators, had been working on a remote device that cleans as it crawls across your teeth leaving you hands-free to scan the shopping channels for more bargain gadgetry.
Rainforest adventures on hold
Once was you couldn't swing an axe in the Amazon without hitting a scientist searching for the latest wonder-flora to give toiletries a boost. Aloe vera, jojoba and the rest were just plants before their ability to make taking a shower in the suburbs feel like frolicking in a tropical waterfall was discovered.
The knock-on effect for the Amazon guides, who made a tidy sum leading the cosmetic Columbuses to the promised land of smooth, shiny and manageable profits, will be devastating - stress has already led to the appearance of ageing in many, although this has not been clinically proven.
Other casualties in the rehabilitation of retail therapy include:
Fashion
Top designers are cutting back on the cutting edge and the word on the catwalk is that black is going to be the new black at least until we're in the black again.
Entertainment
Sadly it's no go for the planned MP3 remote. Slightly larger than an MP3 itself, this device would have allowed users to select a song with their right hand while holding the MP3 in their left.
Another labour saving system we're going to have to do without is the Personal Phone GPS, a device that would enable flummoxed users to work out exactly where on their cellphone menu they were.
Beverages
As with the shampoo and soap industry, the bottled water giants have to put on hold the search for the next big ingredient to make your water taste like water with a barely discernible hint of potpourri. Rumours that we may be forced to drink tap water in the future are being strongly denied by H2O honchos.
Tattoos and haircuts
Even the highly-paid world of professional sport is feeling the pinch. Under threat are the weekly visits to coiffeurs for cockerel feather-dos and the inking of every spare inch with hieroglyphics of dubious meaning.
Players are finding in these tight times they are having to resort to what they always did - playing golf. Good news though, the reduced demand for gel has been a major factor in falling oil prices.
And if all this talk of recession is making you want to drown your sorrows - a word of warning, RTDs (ready-to-drink beverages) are also struggling.
You'll have to make that drink yourself.
